OMG OMG OMG OMG

I just took an OPK and here it is...it's not 100% yet, but omg it's just about there!!!! OMG I think for the first time in my life I'm going to ovulate!!!! OMG I will update again when it's fully positive!!! This one even looks darker IRL!! OMG DH and I are jumping up and down!!! WOO-HOO! So we bd last night...should we do it tonight too or do it every other? wait till it's full positive?? GAH!!! So much to think about!!!!! Help!!

CD 21

Had my projesterone blood draw today and man this lady hurt me! My normal girl that I like wasn't there so a different one drew my blod today and I already have a massive bruise! Yuck!

Still temping and my temps are all hanging around the same like 3 temps, which is okay.

My cycle buddy on the boards...I'll call her "K"...finally got her first positive OPK today and I'm sooooo excited for her!! Congratulations K!! She's just like me with the whole no ovulation thing and she's also on CD 21 today, and this was her first 100mg Clomid cycle too, so that gave me hope still! I have heard too that sometimes when you're on Clomid you ovulate later than normal, so maybe there's still hope for me yet!! Sooooo excited for her!!

CD19

Lots of pains in both ovaries today, like they feel really full and have this like dull ache... and a little EWCM again. Temps haven't done anything crazy yet and still no positive OPKs. Here's my ff chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/24ff9a So far we've BD CDs 10, 13, 15, 17 and we will tonight cd19.

I posted on the TTC boards in my O stalking thread and I'll post it here too...When I had originally gone in for my follie check on CD9, we all know I had the 14mm follie...but I also had a 7mm follie that we didn't think was worth mentioning...but now that 7mm follie is probably around 17mm and it's probably worth mentioning. Maybe my body wasn't going to O the 14mm follie (which should be full grown by now) and it was ment to O the smaller one (which is now a bigger one too), and that could be why I have so many O symptoms like the cramping and High CP (cervical position) and the EWCM, but have yet to O yet, because that little guy isn't full grown. Or I could always O both of them and have a nice set of twins! (lol not very likely)

Even though my projesterone test is on Wed, I have a feeling I won't O before then, but I feel like I'm not out yet. I will keep testing after the cd21 blood draw up untill my next Clomid check with Dr. L on the 5th.

Gratitude <3

I just saw that I have over 10,000 hits on my blog and I just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you who have been reading and following. Your support means more to DH and I then you'll ever know! I honestly don't think I would have mentally made it this far into our journey without all of the love, support and shoulders to lean on that I have found here. Love to you all! xoxo

CD 18 PM

Tiny bit of EWCM tonight...man this is such a rollercoaster. As soon as I give up on a cycle something new gives me hope and then as soon as I have a little hope, something makes me give up again.

CD18

I've only got 2 more days to ovulate before my projesterone draw on CD21 (tuesday). Once again hope is gone and I don't think it's going to happen this cycle. I think I'm going to really push for the trigger shot this next cycle. I mean seriously this effing sucks not being able to ovulate!!! I'm so freaking tired of the same thing. This one "little" thing that ends up being a huge obstacle for us. It's not fair.

Christmas Day 09

I had a big long post to post about how yesterday marked 18 months of TTC and the fact that we could have had 2...yes 2 kids by now. It was about how this is our second Christmas once again alone. I deleted it all. I don't want to turn the day we celebrate the Lord's birth into a major sob fest. (It's been enough of one today already). All I want to say is Merry Christmas to you and yours. I hope all of our wishes come true in the new year. May 2010 be better than 2009 for all of us.


Side note: CD 16 and still no positive OPKs or temp spikes.

HOLY EWCM!

I have no doubt about it EWCM! I've never had it like this before!!! OMG!! BD time!!

WOWZA

This post will be TMI

Yesterday I had a TON of watery CM, like my undies were soaked, and I've never had that before so I posted about it on the TTC boards, and some of the girls said thats what you get right before EWCM, and that it's really fertile type and sperm can live in it for a long time!! Awesome!! I really think I'm going to O this cycle! Luckily we BD last night too, I thought it would be best since I didn't know what was happening..I think that's my new motto..."when in doubt BD it out!" lol

CD13

Just a small update. Still negative OPKs, but that's okay, Eggbert isn't even big enough yet. Probably only about 18mm today...hitting 19 tomorrow!! The earliest I should O is Christmas Eve...so hopefully any time after that I'll get a positive OPK! I started temping today too just in case I can catch that temp spike!

Just Stop!!!

If I get told one more time "well there's a reason why you're not pregnant yet....." "God doesn't think you're ready yet..." I'm going to start punching people in the baby maker!!! I mean COME ON PEOPLE HOW EFFING INCONSIDERATE CAN YOU BE!?!? WTF is wrong with people!?

Dear baby egg…let’s call you Eggbert,

I’m writing this little love note to give you a little pep talk for the amazing journey you are about to embark on. You are still quite tiny so I’m going to need you to try with all of your might to fatten up a bit! I don’t quite know how to do that being an egg, but a few extra twinkies always do the trick for me *wink-wink*. When you have reached a ripe size, please leave your follie home. I promise there is a much more comfy place waiting for you! Please don’t be afraid to fertilize and once you do HOLD ON REAL TIGHT!! I promise you’ll love it!! (I have been told I make an amazing hostess). We’re praying for you and we hope that your journey is safe! We hope you’re the one that will make all of our dreams come true!

Back from my follie check.

I had my internal today to check for follies. She started out checking my right ovary first and said all there were were tiny little follicles and a whole lot of itty bitty cysts. Then she checked my left ovary which also has alot of tiny things going on.....and a 14mm FOLLICLE!!! They say for a good egg you want your follicle to be 19-20mm and that a follicle grows 1mm a day, and seeing as I'm only CD9...well that would put me at a 19mm follicle by CD14!! This is great news! She said we won't do the trigger this cycle because she's pretty sure I will O just from the Clomid! CD14 is Christmas eve and hopefully I'll O on Christmas eve or Christmas day!!!!
C'MON CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!

CD 8

I'm starting to feel a little bit better, my throat still is a tad sore and gets worse if I have a random coughing fit. I just want to be good by Christmas! I hate being sick! And I don't want t to mess with a possible O!

Took my last 100mg Clomid dose yesterday.
Twinges yesterday in my right ovary...like that pulsating kind, whatever that means.

Tomorrow morning at 8am, I go in for my follicle check to see if I have any follies growing away and to see how big they are. I really hope I've got at least 2 getting nice and plump in there! Hopefully if everything goes well we will get the green light for our possible trigger shot and hopefully I'll be droppin some eggs in a few days! lol I'm really hoping that this isn't a wasted cycle and we'll at least have some chance at our Christmas miracle (ooooh gives me chills every time). I will keep you all posted tomorrow!

Come what may.

CD5

Still sick here...drinking lots of juice/tea/water you name it. Trying my hardest to rest up and get better before possible O date! Had to cancel all my clients again for tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be up and running for my clients on wed!

Clomid so far is going okay...haven't really felt much yet but it's still early. Have been a little emotional, but that's normal lol. Kinda funny...I wonder if the clomid is stimulating my left ovary more than my right becasue I sneezed earlier and it felt like my left ovary was going to explode! lol Random

This cycle is going by pretty quickly. I don't feel very anxious about everything this cycle like I did last cycle...Just kinda going through the motions and not getting stressed or really thinking too much about it. It's like a strange peace has entered my life. I don't know what that is, but I've been going to church more and I think it's helped calm me down and I know that the Big Man upstairs will have it worked out for me some way or another. I think I'm going back into the "blank" phase...and I think mentally that's a good place to be.

....of course I say how calm I am now, we'll see how I am when the Clomid really starts kicking in and I go uber emo!

Sorry if some of this post doesn't make sense...the flu + lots of meds are making my brain fuzzy.

CD3

I just took my first does of 100mg Clomid...and I also have the flu/really bad cold...I hope it doesn't mess with my cycle!! I feel like poo!

fun fact!

Here's a fun fact...if I do O this cycle, (and on time) our baby would be conceived on Christmas! SQUEEEEE!!! I think that's just about the cutest thing I've heard in a long long time!!! <3

C'mon Christmas Miracle!!!

CD1

Af is here putting me at CD1. I start 100mg Clomid CD3-7. I made all of my appointments today...CD9 I have my ultrasound for a follie check and if everything looks good we may be triggering this cycle! CD21 will be the progesterone blood draw again which will (hopefully) confirm ovulation, and I go back on CD26 for a Clomid Check where we will see if I did ovulate (for the first time ever), See if I'm preggo...and if not then make plans for the next step which will probably be 150mg Clomid with possible trigger. Hopefully I ovulate this cycle and hopefully in 26 days there will be a baby(ies) in my belly! I'm praying so hard for it!

Just saw this

I just found this on our benefits:

Any services related to the harvesting or stimulation of the human ovum (including medications, laboratory and radiology service) are not covered.

I take it we're not covered for injectables? I don't know how many cycles of injectables we could do if we're not...So if a cycle of injectables would be like $4000...why not just try IVF if I can grow some eggs?

Soooo much to think about, I am so confused.

Just some ramblings and random thoughts.

I always like to have a backup plan...and a backup for my backup. We're planners that's how we roll! lol

Things we're thinking about right now:

*Mainly thinking about what we do if the Clomid does not get me to ovulate...

Well, I looked at our insurace again and for injectables it says
Copay: 50% per visit, Copayment maximum applies (our maximum is $1000) I'm assuming this means I would only have to pay a maximum of $1000 of each visit...is that correct? Any insurance people out there?

Aside from that, we are trying to figure out...if Clomid gets me to produce and grow eggs, just not drop them, then maybe do IVF instead of wasting money on cycles of injectables. (this is a new idea)

We are also very seriously considering adoption. A couple days ago we received our adoption information packet from Orange County Social Services and lists of available orientations. We've read over the whole process and understand everything, and might just go to an orientation just to check it out.

I'm welcoming all of you to comment on these thoughts and help us organize our thoughts as they are all over the place right now lol.

I need AF now!

AF isn't here yet and I hope she comes today because I have to call and make all of my appts as soon as she comes! I'm worried if she comes tomorrow (which I have a feeling she might) because I have to have a CD 10 ultrasound to check my follies to see if we trigger or not, and that would put my CD 10 on a Saturday, and I don't think they are open Saturdays or Sundays. If AF comes today my CD 10 would be on a Friday. Does anyone know if they can do a Follie (follicle) check on like CD9 or CD12??

Broken

What happens if the Clomid doesn't get me to ovulate? My Dr said our next step would be to have to try injectables...I think I read somewhere that a cycle of injectables can cost about $5000!! Are you kidding!? A cycle!? And domestic adoption I have heard can sometimes be somewhere around $35,000. My heart breaks tonight. I don't know how much financially we can go if I don't ovulate.

always waiting

2 more Provera pills...hopefully AF will be here by Wed! Lets get this show on the road!!

Infertility Awareness Project

Pass it on

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

Funny Poem about infertility comments

I just found this online and its funny because it's so true! I know all you TTC girls can relate!

You're 37? Don't you think that maybe
It's time you settled down and had a baby?
No wine? Does this mean happy news? I knew it!
Hey, are you sure you two know how to do it?
All Dennis has to do is look at me
And I'm knocked up.
Some things aren't meant to be. It's sad, but try to see this as God's will.
I've heard that sometimes when you take the Pill--
A friend of mine got pregnant when she stopped
Working so hard. Why don't you two adopt?
You'll have one of your own then, like my niece.
At work I heard about this herb from Greece--
My sister swears by dong quai. Want to try it?
Forget the high-tech stuff. Just change your diet.
It's true! Too much caffeine can make you sterile.
Yoga is good for that. My cousin Carol--
They have these ceremonies in Peru--
You mind my asking, is it him or you?
Have you tried acupuncture? Meditation?
It's in your head. Relax! Take a vacation
And have some fun. You think too much. Stop trying.
Did I say something wrong? Why are you crying?

Prayer

Gracious God, we long for a child and find our hearts shaved of hope as month after month we go childless. The love we have to give and share with a child fills us to the brim, but that love seems thwarted when our longing is not fulfilled. Look with tenderness on us, O God. Let the disappointment that hangs over us be lifted by the joy of your touch. Give us the patience that will re-build hope as we wait for the fullness of our love in the high calling of parenthood. We ask this for the sake of your love. Amen

~Celtic Prayer

Starting over.

I'm not waiting...I took my first Provera pill today...CD1 probably won't be here for like 13 days, hopefully sooner.

No O...What else is new

I went in for my Clomid check today and my Dr said it looks like I did not O this cycle. She did a pelvic exam and felt my ovaries and said they felt good. So here is our plan for this cycle

*I have to wait a week and take one more HPT "just in case".
*Start Provera again.
*Take 100mg Clomid CD3-7 (instead of the 50mg we did this cycle)
*CD10 go in for an ultrasound to check on follicular growth (hopefully I'll have some nice size follies)
*If I have good sized follies we get to do a Trigger Shot!! (Let's hope this happens)Which Mike will have to give me in the ass. (note to self, try not to piss off Mike)
*Do another progesterone blood draw on CD21 to confirm ovulation.
*Clomid/cycle check on CD25.

I will be busy this cycle!

She said she will only go up to either 150mg or 200mg Clomid (which I think is a normal cutoff anyways) And if the Clomid + Trigger still doesn't get me to O, She will refer me to an RE (which is right down the hall from her) So that way we can do injectibles to hopefully O. If I do O from the Clomid + Trigger or Clomid alone, we'll try a few cycles of that and then move on to IUI which she will do.

I feel like we are moving in the right direction. Today was kinda bittersweet. I was bummed the Clomid didn't get me to O this cycle and we could have had a Thanksgiving/Christmas baby announcement...but I'm also happy we're just moving right along in the process.

I still feel all of my IPS. I was so nauseous last night I ended up getting sick, but I think it would be way too early for any kind of MS. Nips are still sooooo sore, like super sore. I'm very tired and dizzy. I don't know, I bought some FRER tonight and some Clear Blue Digitals, so I'll test Tuesday morning before my Dr appt. We'll see.

CD 23 and major IPS

I'm tired like beyond tired, my lower back is cramping, I have so much cramping in my ovaries/uterus (I can't decide which), at night I wake up and I have to pee like 3 times, I'm nauseous and my nipples are hurting soo much if they get touched.

MAJOR imaginary pregnancy symptoms!

CD 21

I had my progesterone blood draw today and I'll probably find out the results on Tuesday morning when I go back in to my Dr to see if I ovulated this month. While I was getting my blood drawn the 20 year old girl drawing my blood decided to tell me how she just had her second accidental baby. I wasn't even upset, or jealous....just blank, and I don't know if that's good or bad.

I feel like I'm here but I'm not here if that makes any sense at all. If I did ovulate, it might have been around CD 16 as that's when I had EWCM and my cervix felt low and my OPKs got a bit darker even though they never went fully positive...but I have heard of girls who have PCOS not being able to get +OPKs. I could be just plain CD 21 or I could be somewhere around 5dpo. I have no idea. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

CD 18

More negative OPKs to add to the pile...this time lighter than what they have been. My heart is breaking. I'm lost.

CD 16

I may not be out my first Clomid cycle...they didn't get a ton darker, but darker then they have been in like 5 days!! I hope I'm on my way to ovulating! I'm CD 16.

Here are my progression pics...they aren't super super dark, but they are dark for me! They are always completely blank!







In the 2nd picture that last test is a CVS brand test, (so I know it will test different) and the rest of them are IC's, but the last 2 CD 16 IC's got darker from the others! Should I just use the CVS brand from here on out this cycle, or just keep using the IC's? I'm stocked up! I think we may be getting there!

CD 14

Still all nevative OPKs...I've been testing twice a day at around 11ish and around 5ish or 6 ish depending, I've been holding it for about 3-4 hours, and I get my progesterone blood draw done on CD 21 to see if I ovulated or not. Last night and part of today my right ovary and been hurting...kinda like pulsing and hurting...I hope that means something's going to happen. Some of the girls on the TTC board have said Clomid can make you O a little later and that CD 14 is still a little early...we'll see what happens...either way we have been Baby Dancing every other night since CD 8, just incase.

CD 13

Still no sign of O, two negative OPKs again today. We've been BD every other day since CD 10, and my CM seems okay, no EWCM yet, but I'm not dry either. If I still haven't O'd by Saturday, I'm going to buy some preseed at a store close to me that sells it. I'm hopefull I'll start getting even a faint 2nd line tomorrow...hopefully I'll O by CD 16...we'll see. Still twinging though so that's at least good!

CD 12

All my OPKs today have been negative...but completely blank. They had been getting a little darker, day by day, but today, they just went blank...I hope the next few days they darken up again.

CD 10

DH and I just got back from a long relaxing trip to Big Bear. It was awesome.

I'm CD 10 and yes I have been checking with OPKs for the past few days "just in case". Obviously they have not gotten dark enough to be positive, but I am hopeful. While we were there, on CDs 8 & 9 I had alot of cramping and pinching in my ovaries...I hope that means something. Hopefully I'll have awesome ovulation news in the next few days!

CD 7

I just took my last Clomid pill...and now we wait and test. I'll be testing everyday from now on to check for ovulation, just in case...I don't want to miss it. I know it's early, but I need peace of mind. Mike's taking me to Big Bear to spend the weekend in a cabin for my birthday, and I'm so excited to get away from the stress of everything. It's a much needed trip, and you can bet we'll be baby dancing the entire time...just in case *wink-wink*

CD 5 Clomid Pill 3

Side effects today...suuuuper weepy *hehe* I'm crying at everything. My inside girlie bits feel like they are going to shoot out the front of my general pelvic region. Lots more hot flashes. The nausea is back too. I feel disgusting, and I am so happy. Happy that I'm feeling anything at all which hopefully means I'll be ovulating in about 10 days.

I'll start testing with OPKs on CD 10, just so I don't miss it, but the POAS-aholic in me wants to already be testing and I gave into that urge today and of course I'm not ovulating...just had to pee on something...I know you all understand...and if you haven't tried to have kids before...you'll understand that one day.

CD 4 Clomid Day 2

Side effects today: Lots of hot flashes! Nausea (not as bad as yesterday). Cramping and twinges and sore lower back. Every now and then my ovaries feel really full.

I am so looking forward to seeing what this month brings! I don't want to get my hopes up just in case...but really all I have right now is hope...and it's WAY more hope then I've had in a very very long time.

First Clomid Pill today

And wow, talk about side effects! lol I was at Disneyland with my sister and cousins and actually had to have DH come pick me up because I felt so horrible. My mouth was super dry, I felt naseous, and I still feel out of it, I *feel* like I kinda feel things in my ovaries too...is that crazy? Is it too soon to feel all of that just on my first pill? Honestly though, I am so so happy, I don't care about the pain...all of it will be so worth it one day in the end.

YES!!

I'm back and I have Clomid!! I am so so so beyond happy, I actually cried walking out of my Dr's office (and sang "I've got a golden ticket" from Willie Wonka while clutching my Clomid prescription!) ... I just hope for the first time in 16 months I will ovulate! Man I'm happy!

CD1 and 1st Infertility Appt Today!

CD 1 is here! And I have my appointment today in about an hour and a half, where I should be getting Clomid, and if I do, then I would take my first Clomid pill on Sunday!!! WOO-HOO! I'll update when I get back from my appointment! Keep your fingers crossed girls!

This will be my first Clomid cycle!!

I'll be getting my Clomid on Friday and hopefully I will ovulate for the first time in 16 months!!!
I have to admit, I am a little bit scared, and I'm not 100% sure why.

I think I'm a little scared to find out that Clomid won't work for me (I hope it does) But there's always a chance.

I have that like excited nervous feeling too, if I do ovulate...this would be the first time that there will be any chance whatsoever to get pregnant. I'm so excited and so scared. Is it strange to feel scared?

16 months

Today marks 16 looooooong months of TTC *sigh*

I had to have 3 vials of blood drawn today for one of the infertility blood panels! Blecch!! I hate getting blood drawn! At least it's over now!

DH cracks me up!

Here's the convo I just had with DH:

Me: "I think I want to try Pre-Seed"
DH: "Okay"
Me: "Do you even want know what it is?"
DH: "Not really *laughs*"
Me: "Jeeze, I just want to be able to talk about baby making!"
DH: "Oooooh, I thought it was something for Farmville."

HAHAHAHAHA

God love him.

Good News!

After all the headaches I have had to go through with the Dr and trying to get the authorization for our infertility referral, they finally called today to say they finally did it correctly, and I finally get to go in!! Thank God!

My first appointment is Oct 30th, and I get to go in for my Clomid then!! So if the soy doesn't work this cycle, hopefully the Clomid will work for the next! I'm so excited I cried a happy tear!

I have a new plan!

I still have not heard back from anyone about the authorization, although I have a feeling I will hear back by at least tuesday.

One of the girls in the forums brought up something today i have never heard of before... Soy Isoflavones. It's a vitamin and basically "natural Clomid". Well I did some reseach and looked at one of the big PCOS message boards and sooo many girls have tried this and it has gotten them to ovulate. I think I want to try it. I think tomorrow I will get my Provera filled, I will go buy some soy isoflavones and I will take them. I'm done waiting in my life and I need to be more proactive. You take them just like clomid on CD 3-7. I need to figure out how much to try first...some of the girls were doing 80mg a day and some were doing 400mg a day. I think for my first cycle, I will try 100mg. I heard a bottle of this stuff is about $8. Way cheaper than a bottle of Clomid and a $200 infertility appointment. If this stuff works, I will be so happy. Normally I'm not very easily excited about just trying "natural" ways, but if soooo many girls are saying it worked for them, I think I'm just a little excited!

I <3 TMP

One of the girls on the message boards in the TTC forum that I'm guide in, started an appreciation thread for me yesterday, and it made me cry many happy tears :) I just wanted to post it here so I can always find it.

http://www.themommyplaybook.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170650

I love all of the girls there so much and I couldn't have asked for a better support group. <3

Long jibberish post.

One of the nurses from Dr C's office called me this morning and said that their girl messed up and did it as a pass through instead of a whole infertility workup (not news to me) and she apologized about 3278943 times and said normally it takes about 2 weeks for an authorization to come back but they will just be focusing on mine and are marking it as "urgent" and it should only take about 72 hours for it to come back. She said since I've waited so long, they don't think it's fair that I wait any longer. Thank God! She said she would call me when they have the authorization back. Finally I feel like we're back on the right track...so once again we wait for the authorization.

I had an amazing dream last night that I found out I was pregnant. In my dream I had taken every pregnancy test I owned and all of them were positive. I was so so happy and full of love. Mike and I were telling everyone that finally we had the answer to our prayers. I was so in love with what felt like everything in the world and nothing could bring me down. I literally woke up holding my stomach as if there were a tiny baby in there somewhere. And I swear I layed in bed for a good solid minute with a complete euphoric feeling untill I realized it was a dream and the truth came crashing down all around me again. It was like someone screamed "WAKE UP YOU INFERTILE IDIOT!" Such a shocking feeling.

Mike and I had a very long heart to heart yesterday evening sitting on our porch, in between the rain spells, in sweats & drinking hot tea. We talked about everything involving TTC and everything that may still lay ahead of us on our journey. We talked about our fears and our hopes. We talked about money and finance and how we would be able to afford certain treatments. We talked about IVF and religious views and frozen embryos. We talked about how far we wanted our journey to go. We talked about adoption. We talked ALOT, and I think that talk was way overdue and I'm glad we had it. I feel so close to my husband. We are a team and we need to make sure we're always going to be on the same page. We're in this together...for better or for worse.

I just don't know how much more I can take. Emotionally, I am drained. I just hope and pray to God with all my heart and soul that very soon our cries will be heard and our prayers will be answered. I pray that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and I hope that very soon there will be someone to call us Mom & Dad.

UGGGGG

The insurance lady "mickey" from SJH called this morning and said she still didn't have the approved referral in!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE!?!? I mean seriously, how many effing times do we have to go thru this!?!? I'm soo over everything!!!

Finally some progress

So I called to make sure that appt. was canceled today so I didn't get stuck with a huge infertility appointment charge, it wasn't but she canceled it for me, and she said she didn't see any notes that said if we had gotten our authorization back yet and to call my primary Dr. So I called my primary later in the day and one of his nurses said it got approved!! YAY! So I called back to SJMC to make our first infertility appointment, but the lady that does the infertility scheduling wasn't in today so I left her a message and hopefully I'll hear back from her tomorrow! Yay! Hopefully I can get in soon!

I guess my Dr has my old number from when I lived at home, because my mom said they called yesterday to confirm my appointment for monday...I thought that insurance lady had to cancel it?? I think I'll call Monday morning early and see if the authorization has gone thru and if it has, I can go in at 10 am to the appointment and get my clomid...but if not I'll have to cancel it. I know the insurance lady doesn't work on Mondays, so chances are I won't be able to go in...we'll see.

So I counted it out and it's only been 6 business days since I have seen my Dr, so chances are the authorization wouldn't have gone thru anyways yet...I'll wait till next week to call.

Waiting is my middle name.

I still haven't heard anything back from my Dr's insurance yet on if we got the authorization to proceed with our infertility treatments. If I don't hear from them by tomorrow I'll give them a call on Thursday. And still we wait.

PCOS Treatment and Awareness Petition

Please take a moment to read and sign...

PCOS Treatment and Awareness Petition

Need Strength.

I find strength in this quote.

"Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you." Exodus 23:25

Anyone have any quotes they find strength in?

Primary Dr Appt.

Went in to see my primary Dr (Dr. C) this morning to try and get that authorization from St Jude's insurance. So they will put it in today and he said it may only take 7 business days till it gets approved and send back to my OBGYN and then I can make my actual "infertility" appointment. What a freakin' hassle! I just hope Dr. C's nurses do it right, because I had to go through this once with them before and they didn't know what they were doing, you probably remember because I had ALOT to blog about when it happened a while back! And I wanted to make sure, and when I was at the desk after my apointment, I was just asking the nurse about it and she was like "well it's just a push-through and we just send it back to Dr. L (OBGYN)" and I said, "no this actually has to get approved and needs authorization by your insurance, that's why Dr. L made me come back here and that's what Dr. C said needs to happen." Nurse: "ooooooh" I swear if something gets screwed up I'm going to lose it again!

Just keep swimming

I have an appointment with my primary physician tomorrow morning at 8:00 am. Hopefully he can just send in the referral request and things will move quickly. I'm emotionally drained today and I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm so over crying and crying over the same things all the time. Things are getting old.

So Sad

The insurance lady from Saint Jude Medical Center called today as she was supposed to, but our conversation went completely different than what I expected. She said she had to cancel my Appt for 2 weeks from now, because now I have to go back to my primary Dr, have him write up this huge application along with results from Mike's SA, and send it back over to Saint Jude Medical Center so we can be approved for infertility treatment. She said it was going to take a while and that when it's approved we can make another appointment. So now we can't take those blood tests my Dr wanted us to take untill after we've been approved. I don't know if I should just say screw it and take the provera, wasting a cycle, or just hold off on that and wait just in case. I spent a good part of the morning just crying my eyes out because it's just not fair. It's not fair that we have to go through all of this, and it's not fair that it has to be so hard. I called my primary Dr and got an appointment for 8am tomorrow morning, so hopefully things happen quickly.

*steps back from happy place and back into hole of depression*

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Good appointment

Our appointment was good today. I was in the waiting room by myself waiting for my name to be called and all of a sudden some guy sat right next to me and I looked up and it was Mike! <3>

So we go in and we talked about how the metformin still hasn't worked so... She said we could either have an HSG done first (where they shoot dye up your cervix to see if either of my tubes are blocked) and then start Clomid OR Do a few rounds of Clomid and if nothing happened then go back in and do our HSG and then our IUI. So we decided we'd like to just do the Clomid first. She went over Mike's SA results and said everything looked amazing.

So this is our plan...

*She gave me my Provera perscription.

*Her insurance girl has to talk to my insurance just to make sure everything is covered.

*She wanted an "infertility referral" from my family Dr (but he did this a while ago so she just needs to verify that he did that)

*She game Mike and I a few blood tests we have to do to make sure we don't have certain diseases (but I can't do mine until that lady calls me)

AFTER all this is done, (we have 2 weeks to do it all) then I go back in and get my perscription for the Clomid. SO since it has to be timed perfectly, I'm not going to start my Provera for a week, just to buy us enough time so I that way I have the Clomid when it's time to start taking it. It all feels chaotic, but I'm so so happy.

15 months

As of today we've been TTC for 15 months...ho hum

Just FYI

To all my TTC/Adopting blogging buddies: I changed my commenting name from HelloKitty to Amy @LittlePinkDollhouse, so if you see comments from that person, it's not some random creeper, it's me!

SA Results

We got Mike's SA results back and they are normal! Yay!

Appearance: Normal

Sperm Concentration: 55.5 Million

Motility: 81%

Morphology: 95%

Liquefaction: 45 minutes

I told him he did a great job and he responded with "Thanks I tried really hard." lol...I love that man! <3

I Am SO Antsy!!

I just want next Monday to get here!!! Gah!

Just thinking...

I was just sitting here thinking, if we do get another "cycle" induced and if we do get put on Clomid for this next cycle and IF the Clomid makes me ovulate...I could very well be pregnant in October. WOW. I'm not getting my hopes up, but I haven't ovulated this whole time that we've been TTC and I've never been in that 2ww (the 2 weeks in between when you ovulate and when you either start your period, or are able to take a pregnancy test and hopefully have it come up positive.) I've NEVER had to wait that, and I can't wait, to wait lol if that makes sense! To at least have a spark of hope...it just puts butterflies in my tummy and makes my heart skip a beat! <3

I'm blonde

My Appt isn't for this monday but next monday! That means we'll for sure have Mike's SA results back in time! Hooray!!! hehe

Almost 15 months

DH did his SA today, and I couldn't go with him because I had to work, but he said it wasn't too embarrassing. The lab said for most tests they will have the results forwarded back to the Dr within 24 hours, so hopefully DH's Dr can fax him his results before monday so I can take the results in on Monday at my next appointment and *hopefully* start our first round of Clomid!

Please Please Please let that happen! I haven't ovulated in over a year! It's almost been 15 months of us TTC and I'm over not ovulating...let's hope we get this show on the road.

DH's 1st SA

We have Mike's first SA scheduled for this Wed at noon. Wish us/him luck!

Does anyone know how long it normally takes to get results back?

DH's SA

Mike got his referral for his first ever SA (Semen Analysis). I'm going to swing by the Dr on my way to work to pick up his referral paperwork and he'll call to schedule it sometime this week. We're just tired of waiting, and we're taking the bull by the horns so to speak and getting our tests done on our own so we'll be somewhat more prepared for my next Dr appointment at the end of this month. I really don't think there will be any problem with his results, just something we have to do to move on to the next step.

Overcoming the Guilt.

"So how do you get rid of guilt? You admit there are some problems-but NOT problems with either of you-and you work to fix them. Acknowledge the feeling, accept it for what it is, and show it the door. We admit right here that this may be easier said than done. But guilt makes you second guess yourself. It makes you feel like a failure, and while you may have a few body parts that aren't quite with the program, you as a person are not a failure. Wallowing in guilt is a big time waster. Finally, when you are trying to get pregnant, it is important to rid yourself of all toxicity. Guilt is toxic. Guilt has got to go!"

-A Few Good Eggs

I wish I had a Few Good Eggs

I went into the book store tonight to get some cute books for my God-kids (twins) who just turned 8 today. While I was there, I was browsing the women's health section and I saw the book A Few Good Eggs: Two Chicks Dish on Overcoming the Insanity of Infertility by Julie Vargo & Maureen Regan so I bought it. Both of the authors have struggled with infertility, and it seems like a good book from what I've flipped thru so far, but I'll really start reading it tonight and give a little review when I'm done.

On the cover of the book there's this cute little baby popping out of an egg shell, and the guy that was ringing me up, held the book up and looked at it and said the baby looked just like his nephew. "Crazy" I said. He went on..."He is the cutest kid ever"..."Man I love that kid"..."Man babies are awesome"..."OMG he just learned how to potty train TODAY!" *as he throws his fist in the air for victory*................me: "yay, congrats to him...." Normally stuff like that would bother me and just make me feel sorry for myself and think "maaaaaaaan, I want a baby to potty train and make me want to punch the air." *pouty face* But I was actually fine this time. Either the numbness is just getting stronger, or I'm just realizing how to suck it up and not cry over every little thing. Either way I was proud of myself.

Insurance Questions

26 more days till my appointment! It's kinda strange that after this appointment I will be "marked" as infertile on my charts and insurace. Speaking of insurace, my Dr. told me to look up and see exactly what they will be covering, and I'm confused by what this means.

Office Visits: Copay: 50% Per Visit, Copayment maximum applies
Laboratory/Radiology: Copay: 50% Per Visit, Copayment maximum applies
Injectables/Treatment: Copay: 50% Per Visit, Copayment maximum applies
Surgical Treatment: Copay: 50% Per Visit, Copayment maximum applies
Hospital Services: Copay: 50% Per Visit, Copayment maximum applies

Everything else like IUIs and beyond are not covered. So what exactly does that mean? That they cover 50% of the above listed? What does it mean when they say "copayment maximum applies?



Edit: I did more searching and it says that the Co-paymnet maximum is $1000 for individual and $2000 for family, whatever that means, I don't know the difference between the 2? But it says that's the most you would have to pay for applicable covered covered services.

I have a secret obsession...

Okay....so I know we don't have kids yet....I know I'm not preggo yet, and who knows when that may be, SO when I saw these bibs on Etsy I couldn't pass them up, they are way too cute!!!
DH said I could buy them...*nods head*...really he said I could.




I can't wait to get them, and put them on my imaginary baby! I kid I kid...but man they are sooo cute! *squeeeeee*

Metformin Vacation

I haven't taken my Metformin in like 4 days...I've been on it so long now and it hasn't caused me to regulate or ovulate...I just feel like it's useless. I know I need to keep taking it, but in my mind, I don't see it ever working. I've been on it for so long. I haven't had a natural period since January, and I don't think I'll have one till I'm taking the Clomid.

Polish girls should not be allowed to walk in heels.

My friend was getting married yesterday and I was going into work just to do her makeup for her wedding and then was gonna go back home and get ready to go to the wedding. I left my appartment and walked across the street to my car. Put my makeup case in the back seat, closed the door and proceeded to walk to the front door and BAM! I was on the ground. I have no idea how it happened, but I felt my right foot wobble and then I landed on my hands, my left knee and my right foot. It hurt so bad and I just sat there in the street for a minute a little in shock and trying to hold back tears while the gardeners across the street just stood there and stared at me sprawled out on the asphalt. I stood up and got into my car and sat there. My leggings hadn't ripped but my left knee hurt so bad, and when I peeled back my leggings, a few layers of skin came with it, and all of a sudden my foot started throbbing! It hurt so so bad! I had to go to the doctor bad, but I had to go into work so I didn't leave my friend hanging on her wedding day! I found flip flops under my seat in the car (thank God). So I hobble into work and it really hurts to walk, and my manager and our cleaning girl see me comming, and rush over to help me, (so great of them). My manager cleaned my knee and bandaged me up and my cleaning girl set my foot up on ice at my station. So I do her makeup and then one of the other hairstylists helps me back down to my car and I drive to urgent care.

I go in, and get checked in and sit in the waiting room. I don't know what happened between leaving the salon and sitting in the waiting room, but all of a sudden my foot hurt so so bad and I could not put any pressure on it. (It was probably that I was putting pressure on it at the salon while I was working) So they had to take me back in a wheel chair, which was so embarrassing lol. So my knee got re-cleaned and bandaged up and I had xrays done on my foot (which I was sure was broken) but only turned out to be a very bad sprain. So they wrapped my foot and now I'm on crutches. Could my day yesterday get any worse?.....oh wait a minute....yes...yes it can!

So I drive home which hurt soooo bad. (I was alone because Mike had to work since the semester just started) I was able to break with my left foot, but to press the gas with my right foot was torture and of course I cried all the way home! I get home and get my crutches out and start walking to my appartment. (My appartment looks more like a little town home, 2 story, but also like a duplex because we share a porch with our neighbor.) So I try to get up the steps of our porch, have trouble with the cruches, lose my balance, try to catch myself by putting all my weight on my hurt foot...and go down hard on my front porch. My dog starts barking, our neighbors dog starts barking, and I can hear my neighbor behind her door trying to calm her dog, so I start yelling her name, and I can't imagine what went thru her head when she opens her front door to the most pathetic sight ever and sees me sprawled out on our froont porch, crutches fallen aside and me bawling my eyes out. lol She sat on the porch and tried to calm me down and then picked up my purse, got my keys, and helped me inside. I love her for that. lol

Sooooo that was basically my day yesterday. The rest of the day was spent laying on the couch, foot propped up with Mike bringing me fresh Hello Kitty ice packs from our freezer every hour or so. It hurt so bad though, just laying with it propped up it was throbbing so bad I wanted to cut it off. It's not hurting like that so much today, but I still can't put any weight on it at all.

My husband has been so so awesome though, doing everything around the house, helping me up to go to the bathroom or helping me up the stairs to go up to our bedroom. I love him!

So yeah...that was my weekend, how was yours?

CD 47

CD 47 with, as usual, nothing new to report...no ovulation, no +OPKs...nope the maximum dosage of the Metformin is not working...just waiting till my next appt at the end of Sept.

Cry

First off, Lindsay if you're reading this before your shower tonight, read no further or you'll know what I made you.


Anyways, last night Mike and I were at Ralphs and we were buying diapers and baby bottles because my cousin who had her baby early is having her shower tonight and I wanted to make her a cute diaper cake. (If you want to make one check out my new crafty blog http://littlepinkdollhouse.blogspot.com/) So we get up to check out, and Mike's putting all the stuff on the counter and the checker sees all the diapers and stuff and looks at me and says "I'll be right with you MOM." I swear it was like a movie, and it was so slow motion when she said MOM and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned around to face Mike and he had that like 'sad smile' that you put on when you're being sympathetic and all he said was "aww buddy." I didn't correct the checker because I just didn't have it in me. We got out to the car, both got in and that's when the tears started falling. So last night I was a little broken hearted, and I just had to put it down, so one day when I'm really buying diapers for me I can think about this and laugh...just right now, it's not so funny.

coming up on 14 months

I just realised that on Monday we will have been TTC for 14 months. WOW 14 months of trying to make a baby. That's sad.

POAS Addict

Yay for new shipments of ICs!! I just got 100 OPKs and 50 HPTs, and I love that I didn't spend alot of money! Now I'm stocked back up...let the addiction continue!

<3

For all my infertile friends/readers out there, this has gone around the MBs and I thought I would post it here too if you're not a member there, or haven't heard or have seen it. <3

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or lossand though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or because I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

~Unknown

CD 37

CD 37. Still no +OPK. Always feeling cramping in my ovaries, always mainly the right one, but nothing ever comes of it. I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is a cyst in there. Only like a month and a half left to go of just being on the Met, and we get to go back to our doctor, tell her the Met alone has failed even at it's maximum dosage, do the rest of our tests and then add Clomid to the mix. Mike and I decided we will not be doing our first ever IUI+Clomid in October, and just try the Clomid on it's own for a few cycles first.

Popping in

Sorry I've been such a bad blogger this past week! We were so busy! I still have to update on our staycation that Mike and I took.

Last week I broke out in hives all over my torso, but they weren't that bad...the past couple days, all of my belly and back and soooo splotchy and sooooo itchy, so I finally went in to see my Dr today and he said it was allergies, and probably from something I ate. I have no idea what it could be from but okay. So I got a shot and got put on lots of meds...that's nice, so now including my fertility meds I'm taking 10 prescribed pills a day. I just hope I stop itching, I've been going to bed everynight with a bottle of calamine lotion, and I'm just over being sooo uncomfortable.

On the TTC side of my life, nothings really happened...no +OPKs and just for the hell of it I did an HPT this morning which was also negative. I have a feeling nothing's going to happen till my next appointment at the end of September.

I feel like I've kinda gotten to the "numb" stage that I've heard so much about. Like once you've TTC for so long with nothng happening, you just kinda go numb and don't feel much of anything about it. I think I'm kinda there. I still want it so so badly, but I think my brain is somehow mentally protecting my heart from being broken anymore. (If that makes any sense whatsoever).

Staycation Day 1

Mike and I took this week off work and we're doing a "staycation". Today we went down to the Corona Del Mar tide pools and poked around there a bit, and had a picnic on a little grassy hill overlooking the water. It was so pretty out today, I think it was about 78 degrees out there. It was pretty clear too and we could see Catalina Island from where we were sitting. After that we drove down to the Balboa Funzone and walked along the pier which was nice.

We left there and then went to a teeny tiny zoo a few cities over called the Santa Ana Zoo. I don't think I've been there since I was like 3 years old, and man after spending all your "zoo experiance" at the LA zoo and the San Diego zoo like your whole life...the Santa Ana Zoo was more like a park with a few monkeys in it lol. But hey, for $4 a person, it was fun. I'll post pics when I get em uploaded later. We have a full week ahead of us, so my blog will be on picture overload for a few days!

Just to note that I still have not had a positive OPK and I'm on CD 24. Trying not to think too much about TTC and babies for this week. Just want to relax, and have fun with my husband!

CD 21

And still no + OPK. We've done so well with BD too almost every other day, just in case. I have a feeling it's gonna be another long 100 day cycle. Arggg, I just can't wait untill September when we go back to the Dr to tell her the Metformin failed and we can do our next set of tests and start our Clomid in October! I just want a chance. I don't think that's too much to ask. I feel like if I just Ovulate it will happen soon after. (hopefully) Man I can't wait to O.

So confused.

I took 2 more OPKs today both totally negative. I don't know what's going on. I don't think enough time lapsed in between last nights test and this mornings test for me to have a surge and not know it. I'm thinking I didn't ovulate...as always. But who knows. I'll keep testing and in 2 weeks test with an HPT just in that rare 1% chance I did. Blah. I'm so confused with my body at this point.

updated

Well, I've taken 2 more...the 2nd test was lighter than the first and the 3rd test was as dark as the first but not positive yet. Hopefully they will get darker tomorrow. That would be awesome!

OMG

I might be gearing up to ovulate!!! I took an OPK a little bit ago, and there was a no doubt about it line there which is way darker than I've ever gotten in all our 13 months of TTC. Like, it looks almost positive...oh please please please let me O!! Please send prayers, O dust, whatever please please please! this one was without me holding it either and drinking lemonade 30 minutes right before. I'll take another one a little later, and hopefully I'll have a positive either today or tomorrow. I simultaneously started laughing and crying when I saw it....yes I am crazy.

CD 17

...and still nothing. I swear from CD 1 I've felt pinching and aching going on in my ovaries, but like always, nothing happens. I'll probably have another 100 day cycle before having to induce with Provera again. At least in Sept. DH will start doing all his tests and then we can start Clomid in October! I really really hope the Clomid works for me. 13 months of TTC and no O.

Stolen from my friend's facebook.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

Edward Guest

CD 14

CD 14 and still all negative OPKs.

CD 13

I'm CD 13 today and just really really hoping I'll O soon due to the maximum dosage of the metformin. I *feel* like I have been feeling things in my right ovary, like sometimes a little pinching or just a dull ache, but it could also be wishful thinking. I keep praying that I will O this cycle. Even if I didn't get pregnant this cycle, just to O would be amazing knowing things are starting to work right inside my body. So far all of my OPKs have been negative and I started testing at CD 10 just to be sure. Tomorrow will be 13 months of TTC and I haven't O'd thru that whole time. Man it's hard. Oooooh...I just felt another pinch on my right ovary pleeaaaase let this be it, and please send some O dust my way!

Took this quote from AI's blog, I love it!

"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones; "just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "why can't you just be happy with what you have," or the most painful from the ones who seem to have the good on God's plan; "maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never ceases to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone with cancer and say, "maybe God never meant for you to live." However since I am infertile, I am supposed to get on with my life.It is hard to understand why people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if doctors said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in iron lungs or die." What if they never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?Why do I think God gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up each time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, and to create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me NOT to have children. That is not my destiny, that is just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I am a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and have greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down.Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest most refreshing drink I have ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that I know awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And, the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility, I already know." ~Anon.

The kinda sorta happiest place on earth.

DH and I went to Disneyland tonight after he got off work, to have dinner and go on a few rides. Man, it is SO hard not to think about babies and kids at Disneyland. Everywhere you look...dads giving piggy back rides, little ones squealing, moms cuddling kids during fireworks, pregnant ladies.... man it's hard to go to that place without my eyes welling up thinking about how badly I want that. I want to be the one kids cling to when going down the drops in Pirates. I want to be the one chasing after kids with a camera always at the ready.... I want to be the one.

CD1

Man I don't remember the last time I had an AF this bad. Super cramps and nausea. Had another major breakdown last night and into part of today. I think I just don't talk about it enough with DH and then it all comes spilling out. Maybe the fact that I'm on CD 1 and my hormones are raging might have something to do with it also. Probably scared the hell out of him, but he's awesome and was supportive.

Woo-Hoo

Spotting just started, so I'm sure CD 1 will be here full force tomorrow! It's so weird that I'm feeling cramping, and I'm so happy because I haven't felt anything in so long, to me it feels good like things are working in there right now! Thank you Provera! Bye-Bye 115 day cycle!!!

I have a new cousin!

My cousins had their baby girl today via c-section, a day under 35 weeks! Congratulations Steve & Lindsay! Can't wait to meet the new princess!

Stupid movie

Just saw My Sister's Keeper, and I am so so so pissed off at that movie!! It did not end like the book did at all! They completely changed the outcome! Grrr

CD 112

CD 112, I have like 2 more Provera pills to take, and hopefully AF will come soon. I want to try one of those First Response Fertility Tests that you take on CD 3, just because I'm curious about how they work, but I wonder if it would be accurate since AF is being induced??

Awkward

I hate when you see people you haven't seen in a while and they ask "So when are you gonna pop out a few kids?" And you kinda go "Ohh....ha-ha....yeaaah....maybe one day"


Someday

CD 107

Hellooooooo once again Metformin side-effects...you were not missed! Not too bad this time so that's good. Just poppin pills and waiting on AF. Nothing too much to update on.

C'mon Provera! Do your magic!

IUI Costs

I called SJH right now and she said the IUIs are about $593, but she wasn't sure if that included the spinning and wash for DH. From what I've researched, "washing" can be around $150, so if it's not included then we're probably looking at around $750 per IUI. I thought it was alot more, so that's kinda good.

Dr. Appt. Update

Ohh yeeeeah...that's my daily pill supply. We upped my metformin today to 2000mg a day from 1500mg. She said she wanted to try the full strength of the Metformin before we tried Clomid, which I understand, and my wallet is thankful because the Met is covered on our insurance...Clomid-not so much. She also perscribed another round of the Provera to induce my next cycle, so I don't run a risk of uterine cancer.

My next appointment is in September, and if I haven't started then, we'll induce again and make plans for Clomid in October. She actually said that she would recommend CLOMID+IUI right off the bat in October since we will be TTC for 16 months by then. So DH and I will talk and try to figure out if we want to just try a couple cycled of Clomid on our own first, or if we just want to dive in head first and go for the IUI. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Part of me just wants to do it, but part of me just wants to try at least a couple cycles on our own. I need to find out also what the IUI's cost at my Dr. She didn't know, but said I could call St. Jude's insurance and find out, because our own insurance covers like next to nothing for fertility treatments.

In September Mike will probably have to do his first SA, and from what he's said hes 100% okay with it, which makes me happy, because I know that can be completely embarassing. I'll have to do a few extra tests too.

The good thing is that my OBGYN can prescribe the Clomid and do the IUI, so I won't have to find an RE (yet). It's just crazy that we were sitting there today planning for a possiable IUI a few months from now. I always think of IUI's as like "the big leauge". I've come a long way.

A

For those of you that don't understand the abbreviations, you can find them all here http://ttcbabyblog.blogspot.com/2009/03/for-kaitlin-claire.html

CD 104

I have my next appointment with my OBGYN today in a couple hours. Probably will just induce with Provera again...I'll update when I get back. Cycle day 104.

Another Prayer Request.

Please keep my beloved cousin Lindsay in your prayers. She is having a rough pregnancy, and we are praying that she makes it to at least 36 weeks. Please pray she has a happy and healthy next few weeks and that my new baby girl cousin makes it into this world safely and soundly. <3

feel like my cysts are growing.

I feel like my cysts are growing. I don't know if they really are but the past like 5 days I have been cramping in both ovaries. And alot of lower back cramping too. I don't think it's any kind of ovulation pains because both ovaries are doing it. Anyone w/ PCOS or with cysts, can you feel when they get bigger?

525,600 minutes

Any theater junkies like myself will get that.

It will actually be a year on the 24th, but that’s also DH’s birthday and I didn’t want a crappy post on his birthday.

FYI- Despite my typically cheerful personality…this post will not be sugar-coated.

Well, it’s been a year.

One whole year.

I don’t know why…there’s just something about hitting your first year mark. It’s kind of like that final slap in the face saying: “yes, you’re considered infertile, you need further help because your body just doesn’t even know what the hell it’s doing.” Doctor’s always want you to “try for a year” before they help…well here I am! I think what pisses me off the most though is that we haven’t even gotten to really try.

WHY WON’T MY BODY OVULATE!?!?!? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!?

I think back a year ago when I went off BC…how stupid I was to think that it would just happen. Everything was just perfect then, Mike and I thinking we could just poof…create a life…from love. What a load of crap. Our baby won’t be created by love, but by pills and meds and tests and procedures. Maybe that’s my love…going the DISTANCE instead of it happening easily.

Stupid silly girl.

I feel like I’m in my own personal hell. Depression has taken its toll. Every waking minute is spent fixated on the one thing that I cannot have. The one thing that I would give anything for.

I just want a chance, I just want a chance, I just want a chance.

I want to try and talk to my doctor at my appointment on the 29th about starting Clomid early. She wants us to wait 4 more months, just taking the metformin. I don’t think I’m bitter about not being pregnant, but just the fact that my body won’t drop a freakin’ egg. I’d gladly try for another whole year if I could just have a normal cycle and ovulate like I’m supposed to.

I have faith it will happen, yes that I do. It’s just a long road getting there.

A

PS Sorry if that was way too much venting, I think I needed to let it out. This has been a hard week with my uncle passing and the one year mark upon us. Too many things running thru my head.

<3

My uncle that I posted about a while back passed away today. I don't feel like writing about it right now...Please keep my family in your prayers. I will miss him very much.

CD 90

Vegas was awesome...lots of fun had by all I'll try and do a quick run-down
Friday:
-pick up KJ
-drive to vegas
-Sonic in Victorville?? We've never been let's go
-nasty tootsieroll slush
-stop at Calico
-guhzizzard (our mix between godzilla and a lizzard...it was huge)
-stateline meet up w/ greg r, greg l, Kristin, Britt, steve, Jon
-check in at luxor ultimate connecting party room/rooms
-get ready and head downstairs
-gamble, drink, gamble
-find Steve, jimmy, Lance, David and Rachael in bar
-dinner
-vip wristbands for cathouse
-didn't go to cathouse
-on the list for Tryst
-didn't end up going to tryst
-walk down strip
-revolucion
-drunk guy pissing me off
-KJ wants to go back to hotel
-back in room at 2

Saturday:
-hung out in casino all day
-me: I want to play video poker. mike: okay...mike wins $200
-an hour later: me: oh lets play video poker again. mike: Okay...mike wins $200 again
-got ready
-went to Venitian for cocktail party in U.M.'s suite
-RBV's VWV's and too much talk about VTM lol
-didn't take Met so I could drink
-took 4328914 pictures
-left party around 11?
-Mike bought me a huge swarovski crystal zebra ring
-O'shays with like 30 people from my family
-Ceasars gambling
-Ceasars frozen drinks outside, thank you Stevus
-Cab ride back
-Mike's hungry, we didnt have dinner
-Mc Donalds at 3am
-Criss Angel ordering food next to me
-Criss Angel elbows me in the arm...me:ouch...Criss Angel: OMG honey I am so so sorry!

Random, fun trip.

So cd 90 and nothin's changes, still get pangs/twinges in both ovaries every single day. Today I started taking Vitex & Dong Quai to hopefully try and regulate. I'll pretty much try anything at this point. I have a Dr. appt on the 29th to induce again and talk about what's happened...which will be nothing...the 26th marks one whole year of TTC...oh joy of joys.

Going to Vegas tomorrow with my huge polish family for my cousin's birthday! Happy birthday Claire! I love you! Hopefully lady luck will be with me and either bring me lots o' cash, or a BFP one day soon! The only thing that sucks is because of the Metformin, I have one beer and I'm done lol. Cheap date. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.-- Voltaire

My sister

I was at Disneyland with my sister today and she is so cute...she bought me this ribbon/bracelet that you tie around your wrist that says "never give up on your dreams". It was so sweet, and I just wanted to share. I love you Kaitlin!

CD 82

Yes...that's right...I said 82!! Had a random emotional breakdown today. I don't know why it hit me or what caused it. Just sudden heartache. I just wish I was normal. I wish I didn't have PCOS. I wish I didn't have to be on meds that make me so tired and feel so yucky. I get the most random waves of nausea too, like today I was at work and I was doing a full weave and I was totally fine all day, but when I had my client at the bowl and went to take the foils out to rinse and root lift her, the smell of the color really really got to me and I almost puked right there in the shampoo bowl. I kept having to hold my breath every time I pulled out more foils, and had to lean way back when doing her root lift. It was so random, the smell of haircolor has never bothered me before.

I know God has plans for my life, and I know I can't make demands. I know He has something in the works for us, but sometimes it's hard. A couple weeks ago I went out to my car and someone had left a little card on the windshield of my car with a quote from James 1:12... "Blessed are those who endure when they are tested. When they pass the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." I don't know who put it on my car, but I know what it means to me. I put the card on my dashboard so I see it everytime I get into my car. Even though it's hard, it reminds me not to be bitter or angry. I'm sure it was just a random missionary type person who stuck it on my car, but I wish I knew who it was so I could thank them. I pray the Lord blesses them, whoever they are. So I'll just keep on truckin'.

Mike and I just renewed our Disneyland passes, I think I'm gonna try and talk him into taking me tomorrow. There's no problem a few spins around space mountain can't solve!

A

BFN

BFN, again.

Oh well...I think I have my next Dr appointment the end of this month. She siad she wants us to try the Metformin for 6 months till we try Clomid. I'm not ovulating at all (I think) and her only reasoning for waiting is that once "infertility" gets put on my chart it's there forever.....I don't get why we'd have to wait?? I really have no faith that my body will do it on it's own with just the Met. She also said "well you're young" I'm gonna be 27 this year and DH 31. I know we're not old, but I want to at least be pregnant with my 2nd by the time I'm 30!

I don't know...anyone have any input why she wants us to wait for the Clomid?

Tested anyways

And it was a BFN. Not suprised.


I'll do another on Thursday.

pushing it back

Sooo, I think I'm pushing my test date back to thursday, because if I did O on the 21st, then I'd only be 11dpo tomorrow...so I'm just gonna wait a bit longer. Plus I'm like 99% sure I'll get a BFN, and I don't really want to go all crazy with testing...just wasting my money and making my mind crazy!

2ww? maybe. maybe not

Just thinking back to the 20th and 21st of this month, the days w/ all the ouchies. I'm wondering if that was O. If it was (which I hope it was) then I might be in my first ever 2ww which would be amazing. I took OPKs but didn't get a positive, but they do say that girls w/ PCOS sometimes won't ever get a positive on an OPK even if they are Oing. I think just to be safe I'm going to set a test date for June 1st. I don't have the highest hopes...but just in case.

Nausea, Bloating & so tired...oh my!

Ugggggggh! I have been soo nauseous, bloated & tired tired tired! I don't know if it's the Metformin making me feel this way or something else. I test like everyday just because I never know if I've O'd or not, so I wouldn't even know what DPO I am if I had. Everything is always negative (of course) but I think I have a special talent for seeing lines when there really are none on tests...Mike has to quickly pull me back down to reality when insisting there's nothing there...how I wish there was though!

We've been married a year!

It's after midnight and that means today is our one year wedding anniversary! I can't believe how fast time has flown! Today also marks 11 months of ttc. Today will be happy! We have a birthday party to go to, then we're going to renew our Disneyland passes and be little kids at the happiest place on earth. Mike made reservations for the Blue Bayou, and I'm excited because I've never eaten there!

I love you Mike!

A

More Ouchies

Something is going on in my baby making parts! I don't know what it is, I was super crampy and nautious feeling this morning. I felt my right ovary pulsing last night for a good long minute and kinda a little pinch. I'm really hoping it's O. I always sleep on my stomach and this morning I felt so nautious I could only get comfy on my back. I hope that not me just getting sick. Please O! Please please please!

Ouch!

Last night I woke up twice late late at night with sharp shooting pains in my uterus! I have no idea what it was. Each time it only lasted for about 30 seconds, but it was so painful!! Like that kind of pain where it hurts so bad you feel like you have to throw up. Anyone ever experiance this?

Charlie Chaplin Must Have Known Me

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Nothing really to update on

I'm CD 61. I'm up to 1500mg Metformin a day, hoping it will do something. I have like a month and a half till my next Dr. appt and if I haven't started AF by then she will induce me again with Provera. My TTC life is just standing still.

Next week Mike and I will celebrate our first wedding anniversary...ironically that same day will be our 11 month mark of TTC...Ho hum

1000 Hits

Wow, 1000 hits on my blog so far.

Mike and I just wanted to thank everyone

who has been following our TTC journey.

It means so much to have so many people

supporting and rooting for us. Thank you

all for your kind thoughts/words/prayers.

We love you all!

Double Doses and Onesies

Today is the first day of taking my double dose of meds. Last week I was taking 750mg Metformin, and starting today and here on out I'm on 1500mg. I took my first one this morning with breakfast and It didn't make me feel too well, headache and upset tummy and I just took my 2nd one about 30 minutes ago with dinner, so we'll see how I'm feeling in an hour. Honestly, I don't mind the upset tummy and as weird as it sounds, I'm kinda loving it, becasue I know it's going to do wonderful things for us. I'd take any kind of pain, just to have a baby in my belly!

The other day I found a website that lets you custom design your own onesies (http://www.makeaonesie.com/) and I made 2 for our baby stash! <3 I made them for DH. All of DH's friends call him "Mike Danger" because...well..he's the complete opposite of dangerous *giggles*, so the first one I made it says "Baby Danger". It's soooo cute! For the other one...Mike LOVES Will Ferrell and SNL...and If you've seen SNL's The Best of Will Ferrell, you know the "cow bell" sketch with Christopher Walken...well that's one of Mike's favorites, so at the top there's an over the top cutesy cartoon cow and underneath it says "I gotta have more cowbell". They just got delivered today and OMG they looked sooo cute!! I think the only thing cuter than the onesies, was Mikes face when he opened them...He laughed and had the sweetest "I want a baby" look on his face...it really touched my heart how much he loved them! Now...just have to make a baby to put in them!

My life story has the best characters in it.

I thought today was going to be kind of a crappy day, but life had other plans for me, so instead of being bitter, I am thankful

Thankful for my mother on mother's day for giving me life.

Thankful for my wonderful husband who woke up super early before I got out of bed and had a "happy mother's day" basket of candy and a balloon waiting for me, and told me it was from our dog Harley, and that Harley loved his mommy.

I'm thankful for being able to spend time with my family today.

I'm thankful for a letter my father and mother wrote to me for today about how they overcame their infertility issues, and about how God answered their prayers...and I'm thankful for a small but very touching and powerful gift my father gave me that he had been carrying around in his wallet for the past 30 years...passing it down to me.

I thought I would be sad, but today I am happy.
I thought I would be angry, but today was filled with laughter.
I thought today would make me feel like the biggest failure as a woman...
...but instead I feel hopeful.

...yes...today I am thankful



Happy mothers day.

Hello Cramps!

Holy Moley do I have cramps. They started out kind of mild yesterday and my OPK for yesterday was darker than it ever has been, but still not even close to a positive, So I woke up today feeling SUPER crampy, bloated and a bit nauseous so I was thinking omg, I wonder if I'm gonna O ( If I did I know it wouldn't be from the metformin, way too early) So I took an OPK expecting it to be a full blown positive, but nope, not so much. I'm wondering if I'm just feeling like this because of the metformin, which my Dr. did say some people get upset stomachs from it, but she didnt say anything about cramping and bloating.....ooohh I just felt one of my ovaries pulse lol, weird...whatever it is, I'm just excited that maybe they are doing something since they haven't done anything in a long time! Geesh! Gotta earn their keep around here! ha-ha OK now I'm getting delirious and weird, I'd better go.

Help Stamp Out Hunger!

Saturday May 9th 2009. All you have to do is place non perishable food items for donation in a bag and place them next to your mailbox for your postal carrier to pick up!

http://www.helpstampouthunger.com/

I love my husband

Mike's on the other couch and Harley is laying on his lap, and Mike is talking to the dog and smiling, and I don't know why it's just so sweet to me right now.
Harley: Achoo!
Mike: (in a cute voice) Oh my goodness! Did you just sneeze? Oh goodness, bless you..bless you..my good boy

He's gonna make such a good daddy.

Lord, please help me make him a dad.

GTT Results

I had my follow up for my GTT results this morning. My blood sugar was good, so no kind of diabetes whatsoever which is awesome. She said that my testosterone level was higher than it should be which made me think I'm turning into a man. Kidding.

She clinically diagnosed me with PCOS and prescribed Metformin for me, which will help my body to ovulate! YAY! I'm excited! She said it will take a while for it to work, like anywhere from a month to 2 months, but heck, I've waited this long, what's another couple of months!?!

I'm really excited, not because I have PCOS, but because I finally have a diagnosis and a medication to counter it!

I just want to ovulate! I mean is that so much to ask? The end of next month, we will have been TTC for a whole year, and during that time to not O at all...well it really puts a damper on the whole TTC thing lol.

I'm happy today.

Hate all this waiting...

Tomorrow I finally go back to my Dr to get my results from my GTT. As much as I don't want anything to be "wrong" with me, I just hope they found something that shows why I don't ovulate, and hopefully my Dr will put me on Metformin or something like that. If nothing shows up, I might be a little bummed, since that means no meds yet. I just want to ovulate!!!!!!

I will update tomorrow!

James 1:12

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

10 months

Today marks 10 months of TTC. I think I'm going to celebrate with a whole bottle of wine. Kidding. I'm kinda ok. A little depressed, but ok.

Beautiful Lauren

Since I'm trying to keep my mind off of appointments and TTC, I decided to work on my portfolio for work. I need more pictures of hair and makeup, so I had a photoshoot with my cousin today and I got to take all of the pictures with my new camera. It was so much fun and I can't wait to do my next one!





Thanks Lauren!

Thoughts of O running thru my head

CD 32 with no O yet. Who am I kidding "yet"? O never comes. Still waiting till May 4th for my results from my GTT. I hate all the waiting. All this stupid waiting is not helping. Can't they just give me something to O? Why do we have to wait in the meantime? I just don't understand why this has to be so hard. I hate taking OPKs everyday just always to be let down. But I'm scared if I miss a day, and not take one, I'll miss it. Sorry, just rambling on here.

I text my cousin today, and she said my uncle is mentally with it, and has a good sense of humor. He's on antibiotics for an infection and they are running more tests on him. Please keep him in your prayers!

I'm working tomorrow on my portfolio for work with one of my other cousins, and I'm so excited! I'll post pics of how that turns out.

...just trying to keep busy

Prayer request.

My post today is to ask for prayers.

Please pray for my family. My uncle is very sick and needs prayers. If you know my family, you'll know how tight knit we are. I think of all of my uncles and aunts as like other parents, and it kills me inside that one of them is hurting. I ask the Lord for a miracle, and that he may make a full recovery. I also pray for his immediate family. His wife. His daughter. His son and daughter in law. Please Lord be with them and comfort them.

My second prayer request is for my TTC BFF who just found out she's pregnant! I am so happy for her, and when I got her email today I cried tears of joy for her! I ask the Lord to keep her and her new baby bean safe, healthy and happy for these next 9 months. I pray for her and her DH and I ask the Lord to bless them through this most wonderful time in their lives.

Thank you in advance to all who offer up prayers for these 2 important people in my life.

Just for giggles

This is what my family and I do when we get together...this was at our condo's in Puerto Vallarta in Janurary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cf4hNAal2ko

GTT Day

I had my GTT today and it went as well as expected. We got there at 8:30 am, and had my blood drawn as soon as we got in (right arm). Right after I had the first round of blood drawn, I had to drink a bottle of that sugar water stuff. That was the part I was scared of. I took a sip and it wasn't too bad, kinda tasted like flat Sprite or 7up, but a little sweeter. "Hmm." I thought. "I was scared for nothing." I continued to drink it, since the lady said I had to chug it. The more swallows I took, the worse it got. It was soooo sugary and towards the middle started tasting like I was drinking straight syrup. Yuck. I finally finished it after gagging a few hundred times, while Mike was standing behind me laughing. I felt ok though, didn't throw up!

Mike left to go home to do some stuff before he had to go to work later in the day (he took a late day so that he could take me and pick me up, he's so sweet.) So there I sat with a new Nicholas Sparks book I had just bought at my favorite thrift store for 99 cents. (hmm I just realised there is no key on the keyboard for the cent symbol)

I started reading and got about 3 chapters in, and I was starting to feel kinda yucky. Finally it was time to go back in...another blood draw, left arm this time. At least I didn't have to drink that stuff anymore. But mind you I had been fasting since 10:00 last night, so all I had in my stomach was that yucky drink. So I hang out for another hour and get blood drawn again (right arm).....and hang out another hour and get blood drawn for the last time (left arm).

Mike was there to pick me up, cookies and orange juice in hand in case I felt "woozy". I love my husband he is so sweet! All the nurses gushed about that and said he was a keeper...I think so too.

By now (10:26pm) I have the worst acid refulx/heart burn ever, and I know it's from that sugar drink...blech everytime I think about it I get the shivers. Also I would like to point out that from all the stabbing, I now look like an intravenous drug user (lovely)

I don't go back to see my gyno till the first monday in May, so won't know any results till then. Also just for noting, another negative OPK today.

It's past 10:45pm

...and now I fast. No food or water till after my GTT is done tomorrow, sometime around 12 pm.
They told me to bring a snack for right after the last bloodwork has been drawn, as I'll probably be pretty woozy. I hate needles, yuck. Not looking forward to tomorrow and being stabbed 3 times!

CD 21

I just finished day 2 of my 3 days special diet for my GTT on thursday. Seriousley, I think the only hard part of this "diet" is that you have to eat ALOT. My dinners are huge and then you have to eat dessert on top of that! lol Not that I'm really complaining.

I've been reading up more on what to expect for the GTT and I'm kinda scared. I've read and heard the sugar water stuff they make you drink is positively vile, and alot of people throw up... my tummy's feeling queasy just thinking about it. At least Mike's gonna go and keep me company for the 3 hours I have to be there.

I took today off and I was gonna just hang out outside, get a tan and paint cuz I just needed some "me" time. I ended up having to take Harley to the vet because he's been super itchy and his skin is so pink! It turns out maltese's are prone to skin allergies and thats probably what he has. Something to do with the pollen in the air right now. So we spent a good hour there while they ran tests on skin cultures for him. He's gotta be on 2 medications for it for a week, one being a steroid, yikes! I really need to find a new vet tho, just for an office visit, a skin scrape, and meds I walked out of there paying almost $200! Jeesh!

I did end up getting some painting in. It was fun, I haven't painted in what feels like forever! But I broke out my easle and all my paints and went to town! I really need to paint more though cuz whenever I'm ready to transfer I'm gonna need some sort of a recent portfolio to get into an art school.

I'm CD 21 w/ no pos. OPKs...but I'm still testing EVERY single day just to be sure! I really want to know when or if I O. The mailman dropped off my package of 100 opks today so I'm good to go.......... what? I was running low! ok ok it's an addiction, but it's all I can do!

Eat Eat Eat

Tomorrow I start day one of the "special" diet I have to be on for 3 days for my GTT on thursday. It's really not a diet per-say, more like they need you to eat alot of food and get enough calories in to see how your body processes sugar. Hmmm, 3 days of eating lots of good food...easiest diet I've ever been on! I think the hard part for me will be eating big breakfasts, as I never eat anything in the morning. For some reason when I do, I just end up feeling sick, but I'll get over it. I'm scared of the day of the test too, I have to fast 10 hours before, come in, down a huge thing of sugary water stuff in 5 minutes (blech), wait an hour, get my blood drawn, and then repeat two more times. I'd better bring a book.

Just as I thought...

Those twinges didn't mean ANYTHING. It's not sunday and still not a single positive OPK!

2 things...

1) I really NEED to change this song on my blog, it's starting to drive me crazy!

2) I've been having some twinges in my ovaries some yesterday and a little more today (more in my right one, but I can feel it in both). I realy hope that I'm about to O, yet all of my OPKs so far have been negative.........oooh just now having more twinges on my right one. Please please please I want to O!

I think I' going to pray extra hard that the Easter bunny brings me lots of eggs this year ha-ha

Back from the Dr...

...and all of my tests, my u/s and my bloodwork, were normal, which like my Dr. said, is good that they're normal, but bad because now we still don't know why I'm not O'ing.

She also said that I still may have PCOS even though the u/s and bw were normal, so she ordered a 3 hour GTT (Glucose test) and so I do that next thursday, which doesn't sound like alot of fun. I have to be on a special diet for 3 days prior to the test and then fast that day of the test and have to stay there for 3 hours getting blood drawn every hour. She said depending how those results come back, I'll probably be put on Metformin.

I totally did have a little breakdown in her office too, I couldn't help it, I'm just sooo frustrated with my body! We have been TTC for over 9 months now and as far as I know in those whole 9 months I haven't ovulated at all!!! I just feel broken inside. I just want to ovulate at least once!! Sorry, my update turned into a little vent. Just feeling really down on myself today.

Tick-tock-tick-tock

This week is going by soooo slow! I think I'm just really excited for my appointment on thursday. I can't wait to take the next step on our journey. I really hope we can just do something to finally make me O! So far for this cycle I think I'm cd13 today and all my opks have been negative so far, but that's no suprise since I average such long cycles! Even if I have another long cycle (praying for a short normal one) I'm going to keep up with my OPK's every single day so I can know for sure!

Arrrrgggg two more sleeps

For Kaitlin & Claire

I was at lunch today with my sister and cousin, and they said I needed to do a post about all of the TTC abbreviations that I use (oops) lol. So girls, this is for you...

TTC - trying to conceive
DH - dear husband
AF-Aunt Flo
FRER-First response early response
O-ovulate
HPT-home pregnancy test
OPK-ovulation predictor kit
CD-cycle day
PCOS-polycystic ovarian syndrome
BD-baby dance lol
IUI-intra-uterine insemination
IVF-in vitro fertilization
POAS-pee on a stick (to take an HPT or OPK)
FF-fertility friend
BFP-big fat positive (HPT test result) (the ‘f’ is translated loosely lol)
BFN-big fat negative
2WW-two week wait, the time between ovulation ‘o’ and AF
RE-Reproductive Endocrinologist
DPO-days past ovulation
US-ultrasound
SA-sperm analysis

That's not the complete 'full' list I'm sure, but I think those are pretty much the ones I use, or might use.

Anyways, thursday I go back to my OBGYN to find out the results for all of the PCOS testing we had done. I'm like 99% sure I have it since all the symptoms for PCOS I have. I think our next step would probably be to be put on Clomid or something like that, so that's pretty exciting. I'll update on thursday and let everyone know how my appointment went!

9 months

Today officially marks exactly 9 months of TTC, and I'm kinda bummed out... I've only had ONE normal period in those 9 months! All day today I've just been thinking like wow, 9 months, We could have had an actual baby here by now.
WHERE ARE YOU BABY?
Just a blah day.

Myths and Facts about Infertility

One of the girls on my messageboards found this and it made me feel so much better.




Myth: Infertility is a women's problem.

Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.

Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone. Join RESOLVE, a support group, or talk with others who are struggling to build a family, so that you won't feel isolated.

Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!

Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.

Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient.

Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.

Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant!

Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.

Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!

Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.

Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!

Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.

Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.

Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.

Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents!

Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.

Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.

Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.

Myth: I shouldn't take a month off from infertility treatment for any reason... I just know that this next month will be THE one!

Fact: It is important periodically to reassess your treatment and your parenting goal. Continuity in treatment is important, but sometimes a break can provide needed rest and renewal for the next steps.

Myth: I'll be labeled a 'trouble maker' if I ask too many questions.

Fact: The physician/patient team is important. You need to be informed about what treatments are available. What is right for one couple may not be right for another, either physically, financially, or emotionally. Don't be afraid to ask questions of your doctor.

A second opinion can be helpful. If needed, discuss this option with your physician.

Myth: I know I'll never be able to stop treatment until I have a pregnancy.

Fact: Pregnancy is not the only pathway to parenthood. You may begin to think more about parenthood than about pregnancy. You may long for your life to get back to normal. You may consider childfree living or begin to think of other ways to build a family.

Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!

Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.