Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Long jibberish post.

One of the nurses from Dr C's office called me this morning and said that their girl messed up and did it as a pass through instead of a whole infertility workup (not news to me) and she apologized about 3278943 times and said normally it takes about 2 weeks for an authorization to come back but they will just be focusing on mine and are marking it as "urgent" and it should only take about 72 hours for it to come back. She said since I've waited so long, they don't think it's fair that I wait any longer. Thank God! She said she would call me when they have the authorization back. Finally I feel like we're back on the right once again we wait for the authorization.

I had an amazing dream last night that I found out I was pregnant. In my dream I had taken every pregnancy test I owned and all of them were positive. I was so so happy and full of love. Mike and I were telling everyone that finally we had the answer to our prayers. I was so in love with what felt like everything in the world and nothing could bring me down. I literally woke up holding my stomach as if there were a tiny baby in there somewhere. And I swear I layed in bed for a good solid minute with a complete euphoric feeling untill I realized it was a dream and the truth came crashing down all around me again. It was like someone screamed "WAKE UP YOU INFERTILE IDIOT!" Such a shocking feeling.

Mike and I had a very long heart to heart yesterday evening sitting on our porch, in between the rain spells, in sweats & drinking hot tea. We talked about everything involving TTC and everything that may still lay ahead of us on our journey. We talked about our fears and our hopes. We talked about money and finance and how we would be able to afford certain treatments. We talked about IVF and religious views and frozen embryos. We talked about how far we wanted our journey to go. We talked about adoption. We talked ALOT, and I think that talk was way overdue and I'm glad we had it. I feel so close to my husband. We are a team and we need to make sure we're always going to be on the same page. We're in this together...for better or for worse.

I just don't know how much more I can take. Emotionally, I am drained. I just hope and pray to God with all my heart and soul that very soon our cries will be heard and our prayers will be answered. I pray that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and I hope that very soon there will be someone to call us Mom & Dad.


Sweet said...

Hi I just found your blog...I don't want to intrude, just reading the posts. I hope that soon you will have your baby.

suz said...

What a sweet and genuine post. I can't wait til I read the same post from you, only it isn't a dream. Very soon, sweetheart, very soon. :)

Amy@LittlePinkDollhouse said...

Salma, you are very welcome to read any and all of my blog! Thank you for the support!

Susan, thank you so much honey. I know you will have yours soon too. I can't wait for that day for the both of us. :)

Hollister said...

Gah those dreams are hard. I never really had one that was super realistic but they always make you ache and long :( I hope your dream becomes a reality very soon darling.