Friday, November 27, 2009


Gracious God, we long for a child and find our hearts shaved of hope as month after month we go childless. The love we have to give and share with a child fills us to the brim, but that love seems thwarted when our longing is not fulfilled. Look with tenderness on us, O God. Let the disappointment that hangs over us be lifted by the joy of your touch. Give us the patience that will re-build hope as we wait for the fullness of our love in the high calling of parenthood. We ask this for the sake of your love. Amen
~Celtic Prayer

Starting over.

I'm not waiting...I took my first Provera pill today...CD1 probably won't be here for like 13 days, hopefully sooner.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

No O...What else is new

I went in for my Clomid check today and my Dr said it looks like I did not O this cycle. She did a pelvic exam and felt my ovaries and said they felt good. So here is our plan for this cycle

*I have to wait a week and take one more HPT "just in case".
*Start Provera again.
*Take 100mg Clomid CD3-7 (instead of the 50mg we did this cycle)
*CD10 go in for an ultrasound to check on follicular growth (hopefully I'll have some nice size follies)
*If I have good sized follies we get to do a Trigger Shot!! (Let's hope this happens)Which Mike will have to give me in the ass. (note to self, try not to piss off Mike)
*Do another progesterone blood draw on CD21 to confirm ovulation.
*Clomid/cycle check on CD25.

I will be busy this cycle!

She said she will only go up to either 150mg or 200mg Clomid (which I think is a normal cutoff anyways) And if the Clomid + Trigger still doesn't get me to O, She will refer me to an RE (which is right down the hall from her) So that way we can do injectibles to hopefully O. If I do O from the Clomid + Trigger or Clomid alone, we'll try a few cycles of that and then move on to IUI which she will do.

I feel like we are moving in the right direction. Today was kinda bittersweet. I was bummed the Clomid didn't get me to O this cycle and we could have had a Thanksgiving/Christmas baby announcement...but I'm also happy we're just moving right along in the process.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I still feel all of my IPS. I was so nauseous last night I ended up getting sick, but I think it would be way too early for any kind of MS. Nips are still sooooo sore, like super sore. I'm very tired and dizzy. I don't know, I bought some FRER tonight and some Clear Blue Digitals, so I'll test Tuesday morning before my Dr appt. We'll see.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

CD 23 and major IPS

I'm tired like beyond tired, my lower back is cramping, I have so much cramping in my ovaries/uterus (I can't decide which), at night I wake up and I have to pee like 3 times, I'm nauseous and my nipples are hurting soo much if they get touched.

MAJOR imaginary pregnancy symptoms!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

CD 21

I had my progesterone blood draw today and I'll probably find out the results on Tuesday morning when I go back in to my Dr to see if I ovulated this month. While I was getting my blood drawn the 20 year old girl drawing my blood decided to tell me how she just had her second accidental baby. I wasn't even upset, or jealous....just blank, and I don't know if that's good or bad.

I feel like I'm here but I'm not here if that makes any sense at all. If I did ovulate, it might have been around CD 16 as that's when I had EWCM and my cervix felt low and my OPKs got a bit darker even though they never went fully positive...but I have heard of girls who have PCOS not being able to get +OPKs. I could be just plain CD 21 or I could be somewhere around 5dpo. I have no idea. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

Monday, November 16, 2009

CD 18

More negative OPKs to add to the pile...this time lighter than what they have been. My heart is breaking. I'm lost.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

CD 16

I may not be out my first Clomid cycle...they didn't get a ton darker, but darker then they have been in like 5 days!! I hope I'm on my way to ovulating! I'm CD 16.

Here are my progression pics...they aren't super super dark, but they are dark for me! They are always completely blank!


In the 2nd picture that last test is a CVS brand test, (so I know it will test different) and the rest of them are IC's, but the last 2 CD 16 IC's got darker from the others! Should I just use the CVS brand from here on out this cycle, or just keep using the IC's? I'm stocked up! I think we may be getting there!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

CD 14

Still all nevative OPKs...I've been testing twice a day at around 11ish and around 5ish or 6 ish depending, I've been holding it for about 3-4 hours, and I get my progesterone blood draw done on CD 21 to see if I ovulated or not. Last night and part of today my right ovary and been hurting...kinda like pulsing and hurting...I hope that means something's going to happen. Some of the girls on the TTC board have said Clomid can make you O a little later and that CD 14 is still a little early...we'll see what happens...either way we have been Baby Dancing every other night since CD 8, just incase.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

CD 13

Still no sign of O, two negative OPKs again today. We've been BD every other day since CD 10, and my CM seems okay, no EWCM yet, but I'm not dry either. If I still haven't O'd by Saturday, I'm going to buy some preseed at a store close to me that sells it. I'm hopefull I'll start getting even a faint 2nd line tomorrow...hopefully I'll O by CD 16...we'll see. Still twinging though so that's at least good!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

CD 12

All my OPKs today have been negative...but completely blank. They had been getting a little darker, day by day, but today, they just went blank...I hope the next few days they darken up again.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

CD 10

DH and I just got back from a long relaxing trip to Big Bear. It was awesome.

I'm CD 10 and yes I have been checking with OPKs for the past few days "just in case". Obviously they have not gotten dark enough to be positive, but I am hopeful. While we were there, on CDs 8 & 9 I had alot of cramping and pinching in my ovaries...I hope that means something. Hopefully I'll have awesome ovulation news in the next few days!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

CD 7

I just took my last Clomid pill...and now we wait and test. I'll be testing everyday from now on to check for ovulation, just in case...I don't want to miss it. I know it's early, but I need peace of mind. Mike's taking me to Big Bear to spend the weekend in a cabin for my birthday, and I'm so excited to get away from the stress of everything. It's a much needed trip, and you can bet we'll be baby dancing the entire time...just in case *wink-wink*

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

CD 5 Clomid Pill 3

Side effects today...suuuuper weepy *hehe* I'm crying at everything. My inside girlie bits feel like they are going to shoot out the front of my general pelvic region. Lots more hot flashes. The nausea is back too. I feel disgusting, and I am so happy. Happy that I'm feeling anything at all which hopefully means I'll be ovulating in about 10 days.

I'll start testing with OPKs on CD 10, just so I don't miss it, but the POAS-aholic in me wants to already be testing and I gave into that urge today and of course I'm not ovulating...just had to pee on something...I know you all understand...and if you haven't tried to have kids'll understand that one day.

Monday, November 2, 2009

CD 4 Clomid Day 2

Side effects today: Lots of hot flashes! Nausea (not as bad as yesterday). Cramping and twinges and sore lower back. Every now and then my ovaries feel really full.

I am so looking forward to seeing what this month brings! I don't want to get my hopes up just in case...but really all I have right now is hope...and it's WAY more hope then I've had in a very very long time.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

First Clomid Pill today

And wow, talk about side effects! lol I was at Disneyland with my sister and cousins and actually had to have DH come pick me up because I felt so horrible. My mouth was super dry, I felt naseous, and I still feel out of it, I *feel* like I kinda feel things in my ovaries that crazy? Is it too soon to feel all of that just on my first pill? Honestly though, I am so so happy, I don't care about the pain...all of it will be so worth it one day in the end.