Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Crushed in California

Its over, it's so over. AF isn't here yet(I have started cramping so she's on her way), but I just talked to my Dr to get the results of my progesterone test and my pelvic ultrasound.
Well the progesterone came back at a 3! Which I guess means I didn't O, but I'm confused becasue my chart thinks I did. Unless I had my progesterone too early, but it was only 6dpo when you're supposed to have it done a week after you O. Even still one day wouldnt take it up to like a 10.

Then she went over my ultrasound results and said I had a moderate amount of fluid in my pelvis/uterus which was why I was so uncomfortable. She said either a cyst had ovulated and that's what it was, or it was hyperstimulation, or something else, but I wasn't really listening because I knew what she was going to say next. All of that means I can't do 150mg of Clomid this next cycle becasue we need to take "a break" for 4-6weeks. *cries*

So the "gameplan" is go back in for a follow-up ultrasound in 4-6 weeks (I'll pick 4 thank you) And then if everything is all clear she'll just call in a prescription of 150mg of Clomid for me so I won't have to go back into see her untill my Clomid Check after that.

How stupid I was to think that it could just happen. I mean haven't I learned? How many times can you get your hopes up before you learn that you're not "one of the lucky ones". I feel so stupid and foolish. *cries*

*crawls back into hole of depression and seclusion*


Nessa said...

I am so so so sorry! There's nothing I can really say to make it better, but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. It's a hard road because you want to keep letting yourself have hope, but at the same time, you don't want to get your hopes too high. It's an on-going battle! I'm at a point where a BFN means diddley-squat to me. It doesn't affect me...which, I honestly don't know if it's good or bad at this point. Anyway, Amy I am sending lots of hugs your way!! xoxox :bighug:

dragondreamer said...

Amy, I just don't know what to say. I just want to hug you and cry along :( How on earth could your chart be so nice and.. ugh!!!!! I wish there was something I could say or do :hugs: I want this so badly for you.

My Vegas said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. Hang in there, girl.

Claudia said...

Amy, I'm sooo sorry to read this latest blog! You and Mike are so deserving of this and I can't understand why you two have to deal with all these road blocks! I know what you mean about your hopes up.. It's hard to let yourself go "there" and take the chance of a heartache. You are an amazing person and you have such a beautiful outlook on life. Again, I am very sorry.

Lindsay said...

as everyone else has said, there is nothing i can say to make it better... know we love you and our hearts are breaking with you!

Unknown said...

I'm so sorry, I was really hoping for good news. It breaks my heart to see other people having fertility problems since I know first hand how hard it is.

I pray the 4 weeks go super fast and you are on to positive results with the 150mg.


Kelly said...

Just wanted to send you some love on here. I don't have any words of hope for you right now, but I know that you know it's out there. I'm so happy I met you even though the reasons we did aren't the happiest. I'm thinking about you and we'll get through this stuff together!

Ginny said...

I'm so sorry!

Maybe my story will give you a little encouragement. We started trying in Jan 08, got pregnant in March and m/c at 7wks. Then nothing. Flash forward to June 09, consult with RE. Slightly elevated FSH, go for CD 3 u/s next cycle, cyst, wait, next cycle Clomid with trigger shot, O, no pregnancy, next cycle Clomid with trigger and O, no pregnancy. At this point I was thinking we would move on to IUI after Christmas. First break cycle, nothing. Second break cycle, I think AF is coming, cranky, crampy, some spotting, take a PT test on a whim, BFP! I am 11w3dys now and everything is good so far. I'm not saying what happened to me will happen to you, we have different issues, I'm just saying try not to lose hope.