OMG OMG OMG OMG

I just took an OPK and here it is...it's not 100% yet, but omg it's just about there!!!! OMG I think for the first time in my life I'm going to ovulate!!!! OMG I will update again when it's fully positive!!! This one even looks darker IRL!! OMG DH and I are jumping up and down!!! WOO-HOO! So we bd last night...should we do it tonight too or do it every other? wait till it's full positive?? GAH!!! So much to think about!!!!! Help!!

CD 21

Had my projesterone blood draw today and man this lady hurt me! My normal girl that I like wasn't there so a different one drew my blod today and I already have a massive bruise! Yuck!

Still temping and my temps are all hanging around the same like 3 temps, which is okay.

My cycle buddy on the boards...I'll call her "K"...finally got her first positive OPK today and I'm sooooo excited for her!! Congratulations K!! She's just like me with the whole no ovulation thing and she's also on CD 21 today, and this was her first 100mg Clomid cycle too, so that gave me hope still! I have heard too that sometimes when you're on Clomid you ovulate later than normal, so maybe there's still hope for me yet!! Sooooo excited for her!!

CD19

Lots of pains in both ovaries today, like they feel really full and have this like dull ache... and a little EWCM again. Temps haven't done anything crazy yet and still no positive OPKs. Here's my ff chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/24ff9a So far we've BD CDs 10, 13, 15, 17 and we will tonight cd19.

I posted on the TTC boards in my O stalking thread and I'll post it here too...When I had originally gone in for my follie check on CD9, we all know I had the 14mm follie...but I also had a 7mm follie that we didn't think was worth mentioning...but now that 7mm follie is probably around 17mm and it's probably worth mentioning. Maybe my body wasn't going to O the 14mm follie (which should be full grown by now) and it was ment to O the smaller one (which is now a bigger one too), and that could be why I have so many O symptoms like the cramping and High CP (cervical position) and the EWCM, but have yet to O yet, because that little guy isn't full grown. Or I could always O both of them and have a nice set of twins! (lol not very likely)

Even though my projesterone test is on Wed, I have a feeling I won't O before then, but I feel like I'm not out yet. I will keep testing after the cd21 blood draw up untill my next Clomid check with Dr. L on the 5th.

Gratitude <3

I just saw that I have over 10,000 hits on my blog and I just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you who have been reading and following. Your support means more to DH and I then you'll ever know! I honestly don't think I would have mentally made it this far into our journey without all of the love, support and shoulders to lean on that I have found here. Love to you all! xoxo

CD 18 PM

Tiny bit of EWCM tonight...man this is such a rollercoaster. As soon as I give up on a cycle something new gives me hope and then as soon as I have a little hope, something makes me give up again.

CD18

I've only got 2 more days to ovulate before my projesterone draw on CD21 (tuesday). Once again hope is gone and I don't think it's going to happen this cycle. I think I'm going to really push for the trigger shot this next cycle. I mean seriously this effing sucks not being able to ovulate!!! I'm so freaking tired of the same thing. This one "little" thing that ends up being a huge obstacle for us. It's not fair.

Christmas Day 09

I had a big long post to post about how yesterday marked 18 months of TTC and the fact that we could have had 2...yes 2 kids by now. It was about how this is our second Christmas once again alone. I deleted it all. I don't want to turn the day we celebrate the Lord's birth into a major sob fest. (It's been enough of one today already). All I want to say is Merry Christmas to you and yours. I hope all of our wishes come true in the new year. May 2010 be better than 2009 for all of us.


Side note: CD 16 and still no positive OPKs or temp spikes.

HOLY EWCM!

I have no doubt about it EWCM! I've never had it like this before!!! OMG!! BD time!!

WOWZA

This post will be TMI

Yesterday I had a TON of watery CM, like my undies were soaked, and I've never had that before so I posted about it on the TTC boards, and some of the girls said thats what you get right before EWCM, and that it's really fertile type and sperm can live in it for a long time!! Awesome!! I really think I'm going to O this cycle! Luckily we BD last night too, I thought it would be best since I didn't know what was happening..I think that's my new motto..."when in doubt BD it out!" lol

CD13

Just a small update. Still negative OPKs, but that's okay, Eggbert isn't even big enough yet. Probably only about 18mm today...hitting 19 tomorrow!! The earliest I should O is Christmas Eve...so hopefully any time after that I'll get a positive OPK! I started temping today too just in case I can catch that temp spike!

Just Stop!!!

If I get told one more time "well there's a reason why you're not pregnant yet....." "God doesn't think you're ready yet..." I'm going to start punching people in the baby maker!!! I mean COME ON PEOPLE HOW EFFING INCONSIDERATE CAN YOU BE!?!? WTF is wrong with people!?

Dear baby egg…let’s call you Eggbert,

I’m writing this little love note to give you a little pep talk for the amazing journey you are about to embark on. You are still quite tiny so I’m going to need you to try with all of your might to fatten up a bit! I don’t quite know how to do that being an egg, but a few extra twinkies always do the trick for me *wink-wink*. When you have reached a ripe size, please leave your follie home. I promise there is a much more comfy place waiting for you! Please don’t be afraid to fertilize and once you do HOLD ON REAL TIGHT!! I promise you’ll love it!! (I have been told I make an amazing hostess). We’re praying for you and we hope that your journey is safe! We hope you’re the one that will make all of our dreams come true!

Back from my follie check.

I had my internal today to check for follies. She started out checking my right ovary first and said all there were were tiny little follicles and a whole lot of itty bitty cysts. Then she checked my left ovary which also has alot of tiny things going on.....and a 14mm FOLLICLE!!! They say for a good egg you want your follicle to be 19-20mm and that a follicle grows 1mm a day, and seeing as I'm only CD9...well that would put me at a 19mm follicle by CD14!! This is great news! She said we won't do the trigger this cycle because she's pretty sure I will O just from the Clomid! CD14 is Christmas eve and hopefully I'll O on Christmas eve or Christmas day!!!!
C'MON CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!

CD 8

I'm starting to feel a little bit better, my throat still is a tad sore and gets worse if I have a random coughing fit. I just want to be good by Christmas! I hate being sick! And I don't want t to mess with a possible O!

Took my last 100mg Clomid dose yesterday.
Twinges yesterday in my right ovary...like that pulsating kind, whatever that means.

Tomorrow morning at 8am, I go in for my follicle check to see if I have any follies growing away and to see how big they are. I really hope I've got at least 2 getting nice and plump in there! Hopefully if everything goes well we will get the green light for our possible trigger shot and hopefully I'll be droppin some eggs in a few days! lol I'm really hoping that this isn't a wasted cycle and we'll at least have some chance at our Christmas miracle (ooooh gives me chills every time). I will keep you all posted tomorrow!

Come what may.

CD5

Still sick here...drinking lots of juice/tea/water you name it. Trying my hardest to rest up and get better before possible O date! Had to cancel all my clients again for tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be up and running for my clients on wed!

Clomid so far is going okay...haven't really felt much yet but it's still early. Have been a little emotional, but that's normal lol. Kinda funny...I wonder if the clomid is stimulating my left ovary more than my right becasue I sneezed earlier and it felt like my left ovary was going to explode! lol Random

This cycle is going by pretty quickly. I don't feel very anxious about everything this cycle like I did last cycle...Just kinda going through the motions and not getting stressed or really thinking too much about it. It's like a strange peace has entered my life. I don't know what that is, but I've been going to church more and I think it's helped calm me down and I know that the Big Man upstairs will have it worked out for me some way or another. I think I'm going back into the "blank" phase...and I think mentally that's a good place to be.

....of course I say how calm I am now, we'll see how I am when the Clomid really starts kicking in and I go uber emo!

Sorry if some of this post doesn't make sense...the flu + lots of meds are making my brain fuzzy.

CD3

I just took my first does of 100mg Clomid...and I also have the flu/really bad cold...I hope it doesn't mess with my cycle!! I feel like poo!

fun fact!

Here's a fun fact...if I do O this cycle, (and on time) our baby would be conceived on Christmas! SQUEEEEE!!! I think that's just about the cutest thing I've heard in a long long time!!! <3

C'mon Christmas Miracle!!!

CD1

Af is here putting me at CD1. I start 100mg Clomid CD3-7. I made all of my appointments today...CD9 I have my ultrasound for a follie check and if everything looks good we may be triggering this cycle! CD21 will be the progesterone blood draw again which will (hopefully) confirm ovulation, and I go back on CD26 for a Clomid Check where we will see if I did ovulate (for the first time ever), See if I'm preggo...and if not then make plans for the next step which will probably be 150mg Clomid with possible trigger. Hopefully I ovulate this cycle and hopefully in 26 days there will be a baby(ies) in my belly! I'm praying so hard for it!

Just saw this

I just found this on our benefits:

Any services related to the harvesting or stimulation of the human ovum (including medications, laboratory and radiology service) are not covered.

I take it we're not covered for injectables? I don't know how many cycles of injectables we could do if we're not...So if a cycle of injectables would be like $4000...why not just try IVF if I can grow some eggs?

Soooo much to think about, I am so confused.

Just some ramblings and random thoughts.

I always like to have a backup plan...and a backup for my backup. We're planners that's how we roll! lol

Things we're thinking about right now:

*Mainly thinking about what we do if the Clomid does not get me to ovulate...

Well, I looked at our insurace again and for injectables it says
Copay: 50% per visit, Copayment maximum applies (our maximum is $1000) I'm assuming this means I would only have to pay a maximum of $1000 of each visit...is that correct? Any insurance people out there?

Aside from that, we are trying to figure out...if Clomid gets me to produce and grow eggs, just not drop them, then maybe do IVF instead of wasting money on cycles of injectables. (this is a new idea)

We are also very seriously considering adoption. A couple days ago we received our adoption information packet from Orange County Social Services and lists of available orientations. We've read over the whole process and understand everything, and might just go to an orientation just to check it out.

I'm welcoming all of you to comment on these thoughts and help us organize our thoughts as they are all over the place right now lol.

I need AF now!

AF isn't here yet and I hope she comes today because I have to call and make all of my appts as soon as she comes! I'm worried if she comes tomorrow (which I have a feeling she might) because I have to have a CD 10 ultrasound to check my follies to see if we trigger or not, and that would put my CD 10 on a Saturday, and I don't think they are open Saturdays or Sundays. If AF comes today my CD 10 would be on a Friday. Does anyone know if they can do a Follie (follicle) check on like CD9 or CD12??

Broken

What happens if the Clomid doesn't get me to ovulate? My Dr said our next step would be to have to try injectables...I think I read somewhere that a cycle of injectables can cost about $5000!! Are you kidding!? A cycle!? And domestic adoption I have heard can sometimes be somewhere around $35,000. My heart breaks tonight. I don't know how much financially we can go if I don't ovulate.

always waiting

2 more Provera pills...hopefully AF will be here by Wed! Lets get this show on the road!!

Infertility Awareness Project

Pass it on

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

Funny Poem about infertility comments

I just found this online and its funny because it's so true! I know all you TTC girls can relate!

You're 37? Don't you think that maybe
It's time you settled down and had a baby?
No wine? Does this mean happy news? I knew it!
Hey, are you sure you two know how to do it?
All Dennis has to do is look at me
And I'm knocked up.
Some things aren't meant to be. It's sad, but try to see this as God's will.
I've heard that sometimes when you take the Pill--
A friend of mine got pregnant when she stopped
Working so hard. Why don't you two adopt?
You'll have one of your own then, like my niece.
At work I heard about this herb from Greece--
My sister swears by dong quai. Want to try it?
Forget the high-tech stuff. Just change your diet.
It's true! Too much caffeine can make you sterile.
Yoga is good for that. My cousin Carol--
They have these ceremonies in Peru--
You mind my asking, is it him or you?
Have you tried acupuncture? Meditation?
It's in your head. Relax! Take a vacation
And have some fun. You think too much. Stop trying.
Did I say something wrong? Why are you crying?