Thursday, June 10, 2010

Meltdowns

Well the days seem to be moving right along. I have been so busy that this cycle has flown by! (which is awesome) I'm only on CD21 today, but on Monday I will go in for a blood pregnancy test (ha-ha) and when that comes back negative I can get my Rx filled for my provera and move on to the next cycle. Once I start my next cycle, then I have to call and schedule my HSG (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!) I admit I'm a little nervous, just for the cervix clamping and catheter part *shudders* The rest of it, I'm not too worried about. At least I'll get a day off of work and some pampering by DH! ;)

I had my 2 hour GTT today and it went by pretty fast, which was good. I have some beautiful bruises, dots and track marks, and once again look like a junkie. They took 8 big vials today!

I did have a few meltdowns when I woke up this morning. DH was getting ready for work and I was getting dressed for my appointment, and just lost it! It was literally like "how many meltdowns can Amy have before 7:30 am today?" And by meltdown I mean MELTDOWN...like falling to my knees, faceplant into a pile of dirty laundry, laying on the floor of our bedroom, crying, sobbing, shaking meltdown....yeah...not one of my finer moments. All I could get out was "idontwanttohavetodoanymoretestsandihatethatwehavetogothroughallofthisandimtiredanditssoearlyandwhycant
wehaveababyandeveryoneelsecananditseasyforthem *breath* anditsnoteasyforuseverinourwholeentirelife sob sob sob."

DH was so sweet and layed down next to me and rubbed my back and told me that he wished that he could go through with all of the tests instead of me having to all the time. *enter more crying* Honestly, it was early...I'm not a morning person...I was tired. *sigh*

One day we'll all look back on this and laugh.......

....hopefully.

11 comments:

ElizabethMcKinnon said...

Oh Amy, I wish I was there to hug you... You are so strong most of the time, that every now and then, you NEED to let it out... *Hugs*

Green Sprout said...

My goodness, it sounds like you had a very full and HIGHLY emotional day. This stuff screws us around terribly and the ups and unexpected super far rediculous roll-on-the-floor downs can make anyone question their sanity!!!

But you know, out of all this, I do see that a lot is happening for you right now and you've finally got a doctor who is prepared to deliver the goods. That's fantastic to see and it really is about time that was happening for you. :-D

Now I know you are poo-pooing the pregnancy test but I am going to be the annoying eternal optimist anyway and say YOU NEVER KNOW!!! LOL!

Soldier on.. you're awesome!! xxx

Janessa said...

Sorry you had such a rough morning! *hugs*

Amanda said...

Amy it sounds like you had a much needed crying session...it's ok to have those! Sometimes we just need to let it out. Good luck with everything...you have been so strong!!

Christine said...

*Hugs*
I'm with Amanda, it sounds like that was a necessary meltdown. I hope you are feeling better today

Kelly said...

I'll refer to one of my favorite House of Hope quotes :)

As long as you keep getting born, it's alright to die some times.
~ Orson Scott Card

Love you Amy! I'm so excited that you are almost on to something new to try!!!!

Hollister said...

You are fully entitled to such a meltdown. I wish you didn't have to go through all this crap either. *hugs*

Lindsay said...

love you amykins... you are entitles to a cryfest, and know whenever you need to have one that involves a shoulder to cry on I am five minutes away. i love you. i said to my mom today how richly god has used you to bless me. you are like an auntie to my girls, and I treasure you. i cry with you and love you!

xoxo

Wendy said...

I had a similar meltdown in the elevator at the doctor's office this morning... thank God my husband was there. Mine was "I want to be the pregnant woman going into the OB's office, not the broken woman going to the GYN." :( Thank goodness for loving DHs! Glad to hear the GTT went okay. Keeping you in my prayers, and sending good thoughts your way!

Shann said...

I was tearing up at work yesterday when I read this. I hope it's THIS cycle!

Lindsay said...

Whew, I'm glad you were able to have your rant and get all that out. A little teary eyed reading it and knowing how hard it is to live in those types of moments.
I hope your days since have been better.