Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Our Plan

So Mike and I have been talking alot about what we want to do with treatments and infertility and babies and we've come to agreement that this is our plan... We're going to keep trying infertility treatments for a while and just kind of "go with the flow" so to speak. We're going to work really hard at saving up and buying a house and paying off our credit cards and stuff like that. When we are finally in a home/condo/townhome (that we own) we will be stopping all infertility treatments and from there on out pursue adoption.

We've done quite a bit of research lately and feel like this would be best for us. In all honesty I'm over TTC. I'm done with the constant disappointment. I really don't want to take another temperature, pop another pill, have blood drawn and countless tests done, and I'm really over having so many ultrasounds only to see an empty womb. When I really think about it, I can't ever see myself being pregnant. I can't ever see myself getting a positive pregnancy test and I can't ever see myself seeing anything other than an empty womb.

Lately I have been having so many adoption dreams, and it's been on my mind so so much. There have just been so many signs that I don't think are coincidence, but more the hand of God nudging us in that direction. When I fantasize about children, my fantasies are no longer of the Dr placing a newborn baby on my chest while I cry and DH kisses me. I don't fantasize about making pregnancy announcements. I don't fantasize about feeling a baby kicking from within. Instead my fantasies involve birthmothers choosing us, or getting "the call" that there is a baby/child waiting for us...or traveling to a distant place and experiencing our very own "Gotcha Day" the day we'll become a forever family.

I think of TTC and my heart breaks for Mike and I...but when I think of adoption, my heart swells and feels overjoyed. If we do happen to get pregnant we will be thrilled (after promply fainting)...but if we never do, we will be over the moon with adopting. Either way, we will have a family and we will be able to give all of our love to a child. Either way, we're very excited about the journey we will embark on.

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother"

12 comments:

Pris said...

Wow, that´s amazing that you´ve been through so much thinking and discussion with your hubby! Adoption´s really cool if you´re open about that!

I haven´t thought that far...yet. Honestly, I don´t like "children" generally, but I really want to have my own biological children. I don´t know if that´s selfish, but I doubt I would ever adopt if I can´t conceive.

I guess I´m pretty open to fertility treatments like IUI and IVFs if need be. And if those don´t work, perhaps I might call it a day.

Kelly said...

I really love your plan. I also have had adoption on my heart lately. It's something I'd like to do even if I do have my own biological children.

I will say this though, I feel like you are in a different place emotionally than you are physically when it comes to TTC.

It's incredibly unfortunate that you had to wait over a year to start taking steps to help with ovulation. You were pretty much told to just waste your time for a year and then we can start. It is incredibly draining.

In reality, you have only tried 2 rounds of Clomid and haven't even gotten to the highest dose yet. You also showed good response on the 100mg. - you just had some bad side effects too.

I just want you to remember that you could very well ovulate your first cycle on 150mg and then have all the chance in the world to get pregnant.

I'm sorry if this comes at a bad time - I know that this might be the last thing you want to hear right now - but I really believe it. I can't see myself pregnant either... I think we put a mental block up to protect ourselves.

I see you pregnant though. You're going to be THE BEST mom to both your biological children and the ones that will be blessed to come to you and Mike after birth. :hugs:

Miracle in the Making said...

Thanks girls,

Kelly, I'm like you, I think that even if we do have our own biological kids, we will still adopt. We will continue to try infertility treatments though until we get a house (which could be another year or so as DH is currently looking to change careers).

The thing that scares me is our lack of insurance coverage, they hardly pay for anything, so If the Clomid doesn't work then we would have to move onto injectables and that can cost us $5000 a cycle! I cannot afford that.

I'd rather use that money towards an adoption.

Kelly said...

I don't have the insurance for infertility treatments either and I totally understand wanting to spend that on adoption rather than a gamble. I don't know what we'll do if faced with that decision. We will have to cross that bridge when/if we get there.

dragondreamer said...

Amy,

As always your blogs are amazing. I believe birth or adoption you are going to be a wonderful mother because you want this so strongly. all of your children will feel this love because it is everything you are.

I have to agree with, Kelly. You have every chance of the clomid working and remember what I mentioned aboutthe femara if the clomid is a no go. It runs abaout the same if I remember and it ended a 5 year infertility w/clomid streak for my best friend.

You do have some time to work with htis if DH is planning on changing careers, and in the event you get told that the only step is injections you can start saving for adoption which is the obvious choice. Every time in your cycle you'd spend money (tests, draws, u/s, meds) toss it in a lock box instead and you'll be on your way before you know it.

I've missed you. :hugs: I'm glad you're coming to some strong decisions.

Max said...

I will be praying for you! God will open the doors to the way he has planned for you to be a mommy. One door was shut for me and another was opened. Now I have three beautiful children. Yes- if you took a blood test you would find that our dna is not the same but I so forget they didn't come from my belly. I wouldn't change all the hell we went through to become parents. He has a plan for you and you just need to trust that his ways are better than ours!
Hugs to you!

StinaCintron said...

Oh Amy!
I know you've been trying for a long time, but I really and truly think that it will happen for you one day. If it comes to the point where you will adopt, I think you are AMAZING and will be an AMAZING mother to any child.

Miracle in the Making said...

Thank you girls for all of your support! I know that He will care for us and I trust in Him to work miracles in our lives. Love you all! xoxo

Wifey said...

Miracles happen when you least expect them. Just continue to have faith on the long journey. I nominated your blog for a blogging award and here's the link to my blog with the nomination: http://my-infertilityjourney.blogspot.com/2010/02/things-that-make-my-day.html

Jenn said...

Amy,

I will continue to hope, wish, and pray for you and Mike. Your children will be so lucky to have you. All my love.

Jenn

DAILY.SAM said...

I am relieved to see that you a re feeling the same things I am. I am so over ttc (okay 99% over) and just know that I was meant to be an adoptive mother or foster to adopt parent.

Jenny said...

Hi Amy, I'm sorry your still having problems, but the next round could very well be what your body needs to O. I am glad though that your open to other options as well. Adopting is a beautiful thing as well and NO ONE would be a better fit mother than you! You'll be great weather it's a biological or adopted baby. You have so much love to give that no matter what it will be just amazing! You are in my thoughts and prayers. *huggs*