So Mike and I have been talking alot about what we want to do with treatments and infertility and babies and we've come to agreement that this is our plan... We're going to keep trying infertility treatments for a while and just kind of "go with the flow" so to speak. We're going to work really hard at saving up and buying a house and paying off our credit cards and stuff like that. When we are finally in a home/condo/townhome (that we own) we will be stopping all infertility treatments and from there on out pursue adoption.
We've done quite a bit of research lately and feel like this would be best for us. In all honesty I'm over TTC. I'm done with the constant disappointment. I really don't want to take another temperature, pop another pill, have blood drawn and countless tests done, and I'm really over having so many ultrasounds only to see an empty womb. When I really think about it, I can't ever see myself being pregnant. I can't ever see myself getting a positive pregnancy test and I can't ever see myself seeing anything other than an empty womb.
Lately I have been having so many adoption dreams, and it's been on my mind so so much. There have just been so many signs that I don't think are coincidence, but more the hand of God nudging us in that direction. When I fantasize about children, my fantasies are no longer of the Dr placing a newborn baby on my chest while I cry and DH kisses me. I don't fantasize about making pregnancy announcements. I don't fantasize about feeling a baby kicking from within. Instead my fantasies involve birthmothers choosing us, or getting "the call" that there is a baby/child waiting for us...or traveling to a distant place and experiencing our very own "Gotcha Day" the day we'll become a forever family.
I think of TTC and my heart breaks for Mike and I...but when I think of adoption, my heart swells and feels overjoyed. If we do happen to get pregnant we will be thrilled (after promply fainting)...but if we never do, we will be over the moon with adopting. Either way, we will have a family and we will be able to give all of our love to a child. Either way, we're very excited about the journey we will embark on.
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother"
My Trip to England Part III - London
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