I have a secret obsession...

Okay....so I know we don't have kids yet....I know I'm not preggo yet, and who knows when that may be, SO when I saw these bibs on Etsy I couldn't pass them up, they are way too cute!!!
DH said I could buy them...*nods head*...really he said I could.




I can't wait to get them, and put them on my imaginary baby! I kid I kid...but man they are sooo cute! *squeeeeee*

Metformin Vacation

I haven't taken my Metformin in like 4 days...I've been on it so long now and it hasn't caused me to regulate or ovulate...I just feel like it's useless. I know I need to keep taking it, but in my mind, I don't see it ever working. I've been on it for so long. I haven't had a natural period since January, and I don't think I'll have one till I'm taking the Clomid.

Polish girls should not be allowed to walk in heels.

My friend was getting married yesterday and I was going into work just to do her makeup for her wedding and then was gonna go back home and get ready to go to the wedding. I left my appartment and walked across the street to my car. Put my makeup case in the back seat, closed the door and proceeded to walk to the front door and BAM! I was on the ground. I have no idea how it happened, but I felt my right foot wobble and then I landed on my hands, my left knee and my right foot. It hurt so bad and I just sat there in the street for a minute a little in shock and trying to hold back tears while the gardeners across the street just stood there and stared at me sprawled out on the asphalt. I stood up and got into my car and sat there. My leggings hadn't ripped but my left knee hurt so bad, and when I peeled back my leggings, a few layers of skin came with it, and all of a sudden my foot started throbbing! It hurt so so bad! I had to go to the doctor bad, but I had to go into work so I didn't leave my friend hanging on her wedding day! I found flip flops under my seat in the car (thank God). So I hobble into work and it really hurts to walk, and my manager and our cleaning girl see me comming, and rush over to help me, (so great of them). My manager cleaned my knee and bandaged me up and my cleaning girl set my foot up on ice at my station. So I do her makeup and then one of the other hairstylists helps me back down to my car and I drive to urgent care.

I go in, and get checked in and sit in the waiting room. I don't know what happened between leaving the salon and sitting in the waiting room, but all of a sudden my foot hurt so so bad and I could not put any pressure on it. (It was probably that I was putting pressure on it at the salon while I was working) So they had to take me back in a wheel chair, which was so embarrassing lol. So my knee got re-cleaned and bandaged up and I had xrays done on my foot (which I was sure was broken) but only turned out to be a very bad sprain. So they wrapped my foot and now I'm on crutches. Could my day yesterday get any worse?.....oh wait a minute....yes...yes it can!

So I drive home which hurt soooo bad. (I was alone because Mike had to work since the semester just started) I was able to break with my left foot, but to press the gas with my right foot was torture and of course I cried all the way home! I get home and get my crutches out and start walking to my appartment. (My appartment looks more like a little town home, 2 story, but also like a duplex because we share a porch with our neighbor.) So I try to get up the steps of our porch, have trouble with the cruches, lose my balance, try to catch myself by putting all my weight on my hurt foot...and go down hard on my front porch. My dog starts barking, our neighbors dog starts barking, and I can hear my neighbor behind her door trying to calm her dog, so I start yelling her name, and I can't imagine what went thru her head when she opens her front door to the most pathetic sight ever and sees me sprawled out on our froont porch, crutches fallen aside and me bawling my eyes out. lol She sat on the porch and tried to calm me down and then picked up my purse, got my keys, and helped me inside. I love her for that. lol

Sooooo that was basically my day yesterday. The rest of the day was spent laying on the couch, foot propped up with Mike bringing me fresh Hello Kitty ice packs from our freezer every hour or so. It hurt so bad though, just laying with it propped up it was throbbing so bad I wanted to cut it off. It's not hurting like that so much today, but I still can't put any weight on it at all.

My husband has been so so awesome though, doing everything around the house, helping me up to go to the bathroom or helping me up the stairs to go up to our bedroom. I love him!

So yeah...that was my weekend, how was yours?

CD 47

CD 47 with, as usual, nothing new to report...no ovulation, no +OPKs...nope the maximum dosage of the Metformin is not working...just waiting till my next appt at the end of Sept.

Cry

First off, Lindsay if you're reading this before your shower tonight, read no further or you'll know what I made you.


Anyways, last night Mike and I were at Ralphs and we were buying diapers and baby bottles because my cousin who had her baby early is having her shower tonight and I wanted to make her a cute diaper cake. (If you want to make one check out my new crafty blog http://littlepinkdollhouse.blogspot.com/) So we get up to check out, and Mike's putting all the stuff on the counter and the checker sees all the diapers and stuff and looks at me and says "I'll be right with you MOM." I swear it was like a movie, and it was so slow motion when she said MOM and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned around to face Mike and he had that like 'sad smile' that you put on when you're being sympathetic and all he said was "aww buddy." I didn't correct the checker because I just didn't have it in me. We got out to the car, both got in and that's when the tears started falling. So last night I was a little broken hearted, and I just had to put it down, so one day when I'm really buying diapers for me I can think about this and laugh...just right now, it's not so funny.

coming up on 14 months

I just realised that on Monday we will have been TTC for 14 months. WOW 14 months of trying to make a baby. That's sad.

POAS Addict

Yay for new shipments of ICs!! I just got 100 OPKs and 50 HPTs, and I love that I didn't spend alot of money! Now I'm stocked back up...let the addiction continue!

<3

For all my infertile friends/readers out there, this has gone around the MBs and I thought I would post it here too if you're not a member there, or haven't heard or have seen it. <3

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or lossand though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or because I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

~Unknown

CD 37

CD 37. Still no +OPK. Always feeling cramping in my ovaries, always mainly the right one, but nothing ever comes of it. I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is a cyst in there. Only like a month and a half left to go of just being on the Met, and we get to go back to our doctor, tell her the Met alone has failed even at it's maximum dosage, do the rest of our tests and then add Clomid to the mix. Mike and I decided we will not be doing our first ever IUI+Clomid in October, and just try the Clomid on it's own for a few cycles first.

Popping in

Sorry I've been such a bad blogger this past week! We were so busy! I still have to update on our staycation that Mike and I took.

Last week I broke out in hives all over my torso, but they weren't that bad...the past couple days, all of my belly and back and soooo splotchy and sooooo itchy, so I finally went in to see my Dr today and he said it was allergies, and probably from something I ate. I have no idea what it could be from but okay. So I got a shot and got put on lots of meds...that's nice, so now including my fertility meds I'm taking 10 prescribed pills a day. I just hope I stop itching, I've been going to bed everynight with a bottle of calamine lotion, and I'm just over being sooo uncomfortable.

On the TTC side of my life, nothings really happened...no +OPKs and just for the hell of it I did an HPT this morning which was also negative. I have a feeling nothing's going to happen till my next appointment at the end of September.

I feel like I've kinda gotten to the "numb" stage that I've heard so much about. Like once you've TTC for so long with nothng happening, you just kinda go numb and don't feel much of anything about it. I think I'm kinda there. I still want it so so badly, but I think my brain is somehow mentally protecting my heart from being broken anymore. (If that makes any sense whatsoever).

Staycation Day 1

Mike and I took this week off work and we're doing a "staycation". Today we went down to the Corona Del Mar tide pools and poked around there a bit, and had a picnic on a little grassy hill overlooking the water. It was so pretty out today, I think it was about 78 degrees out there. It was pretty clear too and we could see Catalina Island from where we were sitting. After that we drove down to the Balboa Funzone and walked along the pier which was nice.

We left there and then went to a teeny tiny zoo a few cities over called the Santa Ana Zoo. I don't think I've been there since I was like 3 years old, and man after spending all your "zoo experiance" at the LA zoo and the San Diego zoo like your whole life...the Santa Ana Zoo was more like a park with a few monkeys in it lol. But hey, for $4 a person, it was fun. I'll post pics when I get em uploaded later. We have a full week ahead of us, so my blog will be on picture overload for a few days!

Just to note that I still have not had a positive OPK and I'm on CD 24. Trying not to think too much about TTC and babies for this week. Just want to relax, and have fun with my husband!