We had a bad week. It was long and scary. On monday morning early I got a call from my Dr who said she was looking over our last results from our last Anatomy Scan. She said everything looked well on Jackson except for the measurements of his Nuchal Fold and that it was measuring at the very highest side of normal, which was actually the last measurement before it crossed into abnormal territory and that we were going to need to schedule an appointment with a Peri at the hospital because we needed to check for Down Syndrome...
I quickly tried to get off the phone and LOST IT. I lost it like I had never lost it before. So many things were going through my head. What would this mean for us? How bad will it be for him? If he has it, will I have to outlive my child and if I don't who is going to take care of him if he cannot care for himself? And the worst: Kids will tease him. That last one was what kept going through my mind and it KILLED me inside.
I didn't want to tell Mike till he was home from work that day so he wasn't worried all day long, but I had an OB appt later in the day and he had called me just to talk, and I ended up losing it on the phone again and telling him everything which I didn't want to do but I needed to. I couldn't even say the word "Downs" physically my body wouldn't let me...it kept coming out like d-d-d-d-d-d...everytime I tried. He decided he would meet me at my OB appt so that we could both talk to the Dr.
I met him there and as soon as I saw him, I could tell he had taken the news not much better than I did. Puffy red eyes are always a dead giveaway and that made me tear up again. We went upstairs and they got us into our room and we were finally able to talk to our Dr. She basically told Mike everything she had told me on the phone but tried to reassure us that we just needed to do this as a precaution. She said we would meet with the Peri, have an ultrasound with her at the hospital and then go over the results and talk about having an Amnio done. I wanted to know everything about the amnio, because I really didnt fancy the idea of having a huge needle shoved through my stomach and into my babies placenta. I asked if you get anything to numb you and she said no...I asked her how big the needle was and she showed me with her hands *shivers*...I asked her what the risks were and she said a few things and said there's a 1 in 500 chance of miscarriage and Mike and I both said okay well we won't be doing one of those at all. It didn't matter what could be wrong with Jack, we love him and would love him in any way shape or form and it didn't matter to us so why risk it?
This baby is my miracle baby. This is the child we spent over 2 years praying for, begging and pleading with God to give us. He is ours...he's our family, and whatever happens we are going to love him and be so proud of him.
We didn't get much sleep that night (I actually woke up to Mike crying in his sleep one night, which set me off again) and I don't think we've slept much the rest of the week either. Just praying and thinking. We didn't want to tell many people. The girls in my DDC knew and a handful of family and friends knew only because I wasn't ready for all the questions and the comments. I didn't want anyone to know until it was a for sure thing. It was a hard thing to carry around on our own for a little while and I'm sorry I couldn't post about it earlier. I didn't want all of my bloggies to feel neglected.
We had our Peri appt today and I think it's safe to say I hate hospitals. Sitting there in the waiting room, 3rd floor in the Fetal Diagnostics Center. Palms sweating, hospital wristbands on watching people come in and out, heart stopping everytime a nurse would come out to call a patient's name...
We finally got back there and our fears were put to rest as soon as the Nurse and the Peri started the ultrasound. Everything is fine and our Jack is 100% healthy! They said we shouldn't have been made to worry like we were (I think they could see the panic written all over our faces). They said our measurements were right on target and completely normal. They were awesome and so straight forward and congratulated us again.
I am so so thankful. Just thankful that everything is okay and that we can put this horrible nightmare behind us. I am thankful to God for being so good to us and thankful for all of the prayers and support we have received this past week.
Like I said, this is our miracle baby... we would have loved this child no matter what, but it is so good to hear he is going to be okay. I just wanted to update this blog because it was part of our journey and part of our story.
My 45th Year and Tranformation~
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