Monday, October 25, 2010

What goes "UP"...

We had a bad week. It was long and scary. On monday morning early I got a call from my Dr who said she was looking over our last results from our last Anatomy Scan. She said everything looked well on Jackson except for the measurements of his Nuchal Fold and that it was measuring at the very highest side of normal, which was actually the last measurement before it crossed into abnormal territory and that we were going to need to schedule an appointment with a Peri at the hospital because we needed to check for Down Syndrome...

I quickly tried to get off the phone and LOST IT. I lost it like I had never lost it before. So many things were going through my head. What would this mean for us? How bad will it be for him? If he has it, will I have to outlive my child and if I don't who is going to take care of him if he cannot care for himself? And the worst: Kids will tease him. That last one was what kept going through my mind and it KILLED me inside.

I didn't want to tell Mike till he was home from work that day so he wasn't worried all day long, but I had an OB appt later in the day and he had called me just to talk, and I ended up losing it on the phone again and telling him everything which I didn't want to do but I needed to. I couldn't even say the word "Downs" physically my body wouldn't let me...it kept coming out like d-d-d-d-d-d...everytime I tried. He decided he would meet me at my OB appt so that we could both talk to the Dr.

I met him there and as soon as I saw him, I could tell he had taken the news not much better than I did. Puffy red eyes are always a dead giveaway and that made me tear up again. We went upstairs and they got us into our room and we were finally able to talk to our Dr. She basically told Mike everything she had told me on the phone but tried to reassure us that we just needed to do this as a precaution. She said we would meet with the Peri, have an ultrasound with her at the hospital and then go over the results and talk about having an Amnio done. I wanted to know everything about the amnio, because I really didnt fancy the idea of having a huge needle shoved through my stomach and into my babies placenta. I asked if you get anything to numb you and she said no...I asked her how big the needle was and she showed me with her hands *shivers*...I asked her what the risks were and she said a few things and said there's a 1 in 500 chance of miscarriage and Mike and I both said okay well we won't be doing one of those at all. It didn't matter what could be wrong with Jack, we love him and would love him in any way shape or form and it didn't matter to us so why risk it?

This baby is my miracle baby. This is the child we spent over 2 years praying for, begging and pleading with God to give us. He is ours...he's our family, and whatever happens we are going to love him and be so proud of him.

We didn't get much sleep that night (I actually woke up to Mike crying in his sleep one night, which set me off again) and I don't think we've slept much the rest of the week either. Just praying and thinking. We didn't want to tell many people. The girls in my DDC knew and a handful of family and friends knew only because I wasn't ready for all the questions and the comments. I didn't want anyone to know until it was a for sure thing. It was a hard thing to carry around on our own for a little while and I'm sorry I couldn't post about it earlier. I didn't want all of my bloggies to feel neglected.

We had our Peri appt today and I think it's safe to say I hate hospitals. Sitting there in the waiting room, 3rd floor in the Fetal Diagnostics Center. Palms sweating, hospital wristbands on watching people come in and out, heart stopping everytime a nurse would come out to call a patient's name...

We finally got back there and our fears were put to rest as soon as the Nurse and the Peri started the ultrasound. Everything is fine and our Jack is 100% healthy! They said we shouldn't have been made to worry like we were (I think they could see the panic written all over our faces). They said our measurements were right on target and completely normal. They were awesome and so straight forward and congratulated us again.

I am so so thankful. Just thankful that everything is okay and that we can put this horrible nightmare behind us. I am thankful to God for being so good to us and thankful for all of the prayers and support we have received this past week.

Like I said, this is our miracle baby... we would have loved this child no matter what, but it is so good to hear he is going to be okay. I just wanted to update this blog because it was part of our journey and part of our story.

11 comments:

Samantha said...

I am so relieved to know that Jackson is healthy. I know you and your husband would have loved him the same regardless of what the ultrasound shows but what a blessing to know he is doing well!

Now, if we can only get your medical staff to quit freaking you out!!!

unaffected said...

I'm sorry to hear you guys were worried and upset for nothing! I'm glad baby Jack is 100% healthy :)

Ashleigh said...

I'm so glad baby Jackson is healthy! I am so glad to hear you worry about it from Jackson's point of view though....it really tells a lot about your heart, that you would love him no matter what, but didn't want him to have a hard life.

My brother has Down syndrome, so this really touched me. I'm sorry they made you worry like that! Even though I love my brother very very much, and I would never have been the same person without him, it was very hard on my mom in the early years, and on me at times growing up (beating up people who teased him, lol).

Green Sprout said...

Now I could be wrong... but I could swear when I was reading up about all this before I went in for my NT scan that it is only to be measured prior to 14 weeks because after this point there are certain physiological changes which render the nuchal fold an inaccurate means of DS detection.

-digs out brochure-

Alright, my paperwork basically says in the second trimester that it is usually tested through blood serum work. Then it mentions the morphology scan and one of the points it says is "this ultrasound is not a reliable screening test for Downs" and then goes on to say that of those identified as high risk for downs (of which the the cutoffs are something stupid so it is much easier to fall into that category) only 2% are affected. They don't specifically mention the nuchal fold but I would assume that is what they are looking at...

Either way, it sounds like your doc made a whole lot of hooha over nothing given that you were obviously fine at the 12 week mark!!!

Silly that you had to go through all of that!

xxx

Jennifer said...

Oh! Amy! Big huggs! That must have been so scary! I'm so glad your sweet baby is fine!

Mrs. G said...

Oh what a relief.. I'm so happy that he is 100% healthy.. I can't imagine what you must have been feeling, and I'm glad you are finally at ease now.. Congrats :)

Susan said...

Oh Amy, I was on pins and needles while I read your post. I admire the parents the two of you are and the love you have for your son. After my first pregnancy I chose to not have that test anymore because I have been told that when they tell you that downs is a possibility.....90% of the time the baby is fine. I am so grateful that Jackson is part of that 90%. I figured that if my child had downs then we would find out at birth and love that child just as much. I am soooooooo sorry for the pain and worry you have had to go through. Amy, you are inspiration to us all. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I know that your experiences have touched and helped many people.

Melissa said...

It's awful that you had to get worried for nothing, but hamd'allah (Thank God) Jackson is okay!

Tillie said...

oh amy...I'm sorry you had a rough week...I am glad that Jack is healthy...just know God would never give you anything you couldn't handle. I love you and will be praying for you :) *hugs*

Lana said...

I am so relieved to know that Jackson is okay! I am sorry that you had a rough time. I know that Dr's say it better to be safe than sorry but sometimes they almost give you a heart attack. 100% is an excellent number!!!!!

Mrs. Bushey said...

I completely understand your fear and worry. We were told our results from the NT scan gave us a 1/5 chance of Downs. That's almost the highest chance they give you. For 3 weeks we waited for our appointment with the Peri. Our appointment was on a Monday and on the Thursday before my OB called and said the lab made a mistake (wrote 14 instead of 1.4) and we were never high risk to begin with. Talk about breathing a sigh of relief.

I'm so glad to hear Jackson is perfectly healthy!!!