Depressing post warning.
It's official, girls I had been TTC #1 with, are now pregnant with #2.
I just feel so lost right now.
I feel itty bitty and tiny, and so forgotten.
Why not me?
I'm a good person. I love God. I try to always be cheerful and happy. I always try to be so giving to others. I'm honest and trustworthy. I've always delt with infertility as my "cross to bear", and always have been happy for other people's miracles...but I'm tired.
I don't want to have to spend $315 EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. I walk into my RE's office. I don't want to have to keep taking meds that pump me so full of hormones I can barely see straight. I don't want to spend thousands on injectables, knowing the chance of them working are very very slim, let alone the money we'll have to spend on IVF with very slim chances of it working if we have to get there...I don't want to feel like I had to buy my baby! I don't want to be different from everyone else, and I don't want to be so sad the 10 times a day I see a pregnant belly staring at me. I don't want to have a disease that prevents me from ovulating or getting pregnant.
Why is it that 15 year old girls get pregnant with twins, time after time...yet DH and I who are more than ready are left with empty arms and broken hearts.
I think I really need to take some time away from the Message Boards. I just can't continue to torture myself. If you're from the MBs, I'm sure you understand, especially if you're IF.
I would never wish infertility on anyone...why was I cursed with it and SO left behind?
My 45th Year and Tranformation~
1 week ago