CD 21

And still no + OPK. We've done so well with BD too almost every other day, just in case. I have a feeling it's gonna be another long 100 day cycle. Arggg, I just can't wait untill September when we go back to the Dr to tell her the Metformin failed and we can do our next set of tests and start our Clomid in October! I just want a chance. I don't think that's too much to ask. I feel like if I just Ovulate it will happen soon after. (hopefully) Man I can't wait to O.

So confused.

I took 2 more OPKs today both totally negative. I don't know what's going on. I don't think enough time lapsed in between last nights test and this mornings test for me to have a surge and not know it. I'm thinking I didn't ovulate...as always. But who knows. I'll keep testing and in 2 weeks test with an HPT just in that rare 1% chance I did. Blah. I'm so confused with my body at this point.

updated

Well, I've taken 2 more...the 2nd test was lighter than the first and the 3rd test was as dark as the first but not positive yet. Hopefully they will get darker tomorrow. That would be awesome!

OMG

I might be gearing up to ovulate!!! I took an OPK a little bit ago, and there was a no doubt about it line there which is way darker than I've ever gotten in all our 13 months of TTC. Like, it looks almost positive...oh please please please let me O!! Please send prayers, O dust, whatever please please please! this one was without me holding it either and drinking lemonade 30 minutes right before. I'll take another one a little later, and hopefully I'll have a positive either today or tomorrow. I simultaneously started laughing and crying when I saw it....yes I am crazy.

CD 17

...and still nothing. I swear from CD 1 I've felt pinching and aching going on in my ovaries, but like always, nothing happens. I'll probably have another 100 day cycle before having to induce with Provera again. At least in Sept. DH will start doing all his tests and then we can start Clomid in October! I really really hope the Clomid works for me. 13 months of TTC and no O.

Stolen from my friend's facebook.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

Edward Guest

CD 14

CD 14 and still all negative OPKs.

CD 13

I'm CD 13 today and just really really hoping I'll O soon due to the maximum dosage of the metformin. I *feel* like I have been feeling things in my right ovary, like sometimes a little pinching or just a dull ache, but it could also be wishful thinking. I keep praying that I will O this cycle. Even if I didn't get pregnant this cycle, just to O would be amazing knowing things are starting to work right inside my body. So far all of my OPKs have been negative and I started testing at CD 10 just to be sure. Tomorrow will be 13 months of TTC and I haven't O'd thru that whole time. Man it's hard. Oooooh...I just felt another pinch on my right ovary pleeaaaase let this be it, and please send some O dust my way!

Took this quote from AI's blog, I love it!

"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones; "just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "why can't you just be happy with what you have," or the most painful from the ones who seem to have the good on God's plan; "maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never ceases to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone with cancer and say, "maybe God never meant for you to live." However since I am infertile, I am supposed to get on with my life.It is hard to understand why people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if doctors said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in iron lungs or die." What if they never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?Why do I think God gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up each time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, and to create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me NOT to have children. That is not my destiny, that is just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I am a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and have greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down.Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest most refreshing drink I have ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that I know awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And, the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility, I already know." ~Anon.

The kinda sorta happiest place on earth.

DH and I went to Disneyland tonight after he got off work, to have dinner and go on a few rides. Man, it is SO hard not to think about babies and kids at Disneyland. Everywhere you look...dads giving piggy back rides, little ones squealing, moms cuddling kids during fireworks, pregnant ladies.... man it's hard to go to that place without my eyes welling up thinking about how badly I want that. I want to be the one kids cling to when going down the drops in Pirates. I want to be the one chasing after kids with a camera always at the ready.... I want to be the one.

CD1

Man I don't remember the last time I had an AF this bad. Super cramps and nausea. Had another major breakdown last night and into part of today. I think I just don't talk about it enough with DH and then it all comes spilling out. Maybe the fact that I'm on CD 1 and my hormones are raging might have something to do with it also. Probably scared the hell out of him, but he's awesome and was supportive.

Woo-Hoo

Spotting just started, so I'm sure CD 1 will be here full force tomorrow! It's so weird that I'm feeling cramping, and I'm so happy because I haven't felt anything in so long, to me it feels good like things are working in there right now! Thank you Provera! Bye-Bye 115 day cycle!!!

I have a new cousin!

My cousins had their baby girl today via c-section, a day under 35 weeks! Congratulations Steve & Lindsay! Can't wait to meet the new princess!

Stupid movie

Just saw My Sister's Keeper, and I am so so so pissed off at that movie!! It did not end like the book did at all! They completely changed the outcome! Grrr

CD 112

CD 112, I have like 2 more Provera pills to take, and hopefully AF will come soon. I want to try one of those First Response Fertility Tests that you take on CD 3, just because I'm curious about how they work, but I wonder if it would be accurate since AF is being induced??

Awkward

I hate when you see people you haven't seen in a while and they ask "So when are you gonna pop out a few kids?" And you kinda go "Ohh....ha-ha....yeaaah....maybe one day"


Someday

CD 107

Hellooooooo once again Metformin side-effects...you were not missed! Not too bad this time so that's good. Just poppin pills and waiting on AF. Nothing too much to update on.

C'mon Provera! Do your magic!