15 weeks

Grow Belly, Grow!

14w6d Ultrasound and early flutters

My cousin is in u/s tech school so we got to go in today so my parents could see the baby. It was really cute to be able to have my cousin doing it for me and to have my parents see ittybitty. We couldnt see the gender, it's just still too early for the old machine she was using, but thats ok I didnt want to know because Mike didnt go with us today. We're going back in 3 weeks to have her check the gender. I'm measuring at 14w6d today so I'll be about 15 weeks tomorrow and the new DD is Feb 22nd.

And the coolest part.....I got to see the baby move at the same time I felt him/her flutter!!! Soooo amazing, I almost cried! Here's a few pics we got today.

The first one is IttyBitty sucking his/her thumb







PS thank you all for the sweet words and comments on my last post, I hope I never have those dreams again! xoxo

Nightmares of Loss

They say pregnancy dreams are out of control and that's no joke. Every single time I close my eyes, fall asleep and wake up, I can remember every single dream I had during that period, which is crazy. Insane detailed dreams. Alot of happy ones, really colorful ones, a few about our future child and a couple about adoption (the adoption ones are always intense and I wake up crying happy tears, and I have a strong feeling this is my calling for the future.)

Well lately I don't know if it's been from stress or what, but my dreams have turned to nightmares, and the worst of all came a few nights ago. I dreamed I had lost our baby, and given birth at about 15/16 ish weeks. It was strange though, the baby was wrapped in a cocoon of some sort and we had to break it open to see inside. She was tiny and about the size of the palm of my hand. Her skin was smooth and glossy and her little hands were crossed right over her stomach, it went on but it's not pretty... I don't know why but I cannot get this dream out of my head. I woke up and just layed there and sobbed, first thinking it was real, then realizing it wasn't and crying because I was thankful it was a dream, and then cried more because...well I'm not quite sure why. Every single time I close my eyes I see it again, and I feel as if it's haunting me. I don't know if it's an intense fear of losing this baby or what, but I can't shake that scared haunted feeling.

Has this happened to anyone else? I'm feeling a little bit crazy honestly.

6wk-13wk belly comparison

woah...

Woah, there's a little person in there! (NT scan)

warning this will be a long sappy post

I just got back from my NT scan and woah, it was sooo crazy to see ittybitty looking like a real baby! It's starting to really feel real that there is a baby in there, just seeing him/her moving around so much and everything and looking like a real person...unreal. I know it's crazy to say, but I honestly think I totally fell in love today. Now don't get me wrong, I was in love with this baby before, but I think I had such a guard up since it took us so long with ttc and infertility and all that crap, that I just didn't want to get too attached, but today was different, and I sit here crying because I feel so blessed that this is real, and I am in my 2nd trimester and the baby is wonderful.

We got there and went in for the u/s. Our tec started it and was just showing us baby and how human he/she looked (unreal) and measured the HB which was about 150bpm. She started doing all the measurements but the baby wouldn't cooperate for us, everytime she went to measure something, he/she would turn it's back to the wand not letting her (my child is already stubborn). So after trying for about 10 minutes and shaking my belly and poking at the baby, she made DH and I go downstairs, have a cup of coffee and come back 20 minutes later, and WOAH! That coffee was the first cup of caffeine I have had in about 3 months, I feel like I could run a marathon now lol. So we go back and she was able to get all the measurements since the baby was bouncing around in there, but because he/she was bouncing so much, the pics we got were kinda blurry lol oh well.

I'm measuring somewhere around 13w4,5,6d again since this child already likes to drive us crazy we can't be sure because every measurement was totally different since he/she was sooo wiggly! I'm just going to stick with the original 13w3d as of right now. I know it will change all over again.

So I'd like to introduce our little 13week miracle...

2nd Trimester & a B-Band Mishap *shudders*

Wow! I can't believe tomorrow (friday) I will be 13 weeks and into my 2nd trimester! How in the heck did that happen? It seems to be flying by. I think when it takes you so long to actually get pregnant, once you do, 9 months seems like nothing!

My belly has gotten harder and rounder, and I'm at that stage where it's like people could look at me and think, either there's a baby in there or Amy's REALLY let herself go. lol Itty Bitty is about the size of a peach now and that is soooo crazy to think!

And...it's official...my favorite pair of jeans don't fit anymore...AND they won't work with a bella band...yeah my neighbor let me try out hers, and I think my jeans are just too low cut or something and the zipper is really low...let me give you a visual: I was upstairs in my closet and put on the jeans w/o zipping or buttoning them up, I put the bella band on and pulled it kinda low to hide everything, walked downstairs, looked in the mirror.........

.....and the bella band had ridden up and you could totally see my vagina. *blank face*

I don't know if it was too big or too small or what? It couldnt be too big...maybe I needed a bigger one, or maybe my belly just needs to be bigger....I dont know. *shrugs* Those jeans just aren't going to happen for me, but that's okay because I bought my first ever pair of maternity jeans and they are soooooo comfy!!! I would wear these suckers to bed!!

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I've just been super busy and super tired! I promise I will try to post more often! xoxo

It's been a while!

Hey Blog-etts! Sorry I've been away for a while. I was on vacation with my family and busy at work (and sleeping all the other hours of the day lol) I just wanted to quick update you and let you know I was okay and breathing!

I've been weaning myself off of the progesterone suppositories and tomorrow is the last one I have to take which is awesome! Friday will be my last day taking the baby asprin, and friday also makes my pregnancy 12 weeks! *does a happy dance*

How the heck did we get here? Honestly it still feels like a dream and I still deep inside feel like that scared little infertile girl waiting for "any moment now" when it's all going to be over. I just have to keep the faith that if we've gotten this far, we can make it, but it's just so hard to overcome those fears. I'm sure that fear never goes away and I'm sure I'll be 39 weeks and still scared to death lol.

In lighter news I have my Gender ultrasound scheduled for September 30th and I am soooo excited!! I cannot wait to find out what/who we are having! I think we are pretty set on names now so our final names are.......drumroll please.......depending if IttyBitty is a She or a He, we will either have Scarlett Olivia or Jackson Carter. I can't wait to find out "who" it is!