Recapping

So I wrote this whole thing out for my consult on Monday to give Dr Wizard (our new RE) a basic overview of our TTC history. I wanted to post it in case I ever needed it in the future and to catch up any new readers. Thank God I keep a blog, or there's no way I would have remembered all of this!

June 2008: Came off birth control pill and started trying to conceive…didn’t have a natural period after that until 6 months after in January 2009.

March 2009: Started seeing OBGYN for infertility. She prescribed Provera to induce my period and then had blood-work done on cycle day 3.

April 2009: OBGYN said all labs she did looked fine and so she ordered the 3 hour GTT.

May 2009: GTT results were good. Blood sugar was fine, no diabetes. Found an elevated testosterone level. Clinically diagnosed with PCOS. Prescribed Metformin (1500mg a day)

June 2009: Upped the Metformin dosage to 2000mg a day. Prescribed Provera again after a
115 day long cycle.

September 2009: Mike had his Semen Analysis done. Results were normal:
Appearance: Normal
Sperm Concentration: 55.5 Million
Motility: 81%
Morphology: 95%
Liquefaction: 45 minutes

October 2009: Mike and I had infertility blood-work panel done & tested for STDs, all came back normal. Given Provera again to induce period.

November 2009: 1st Clomid cycle on 50mg CDs 3-7. No ovulation. Projesterone blood draw came back at a 0.8 Given Provera again.

December/January 2009: 2nd Clomid cycle with 100mg CDs 3-7. Had a follicle check on CD9 Left ovary had a 14mm follicle. Had an almost positive OPK on CD22, and a temperature rise on CD 24. Luteal Phase of 10 days. Cycle was 34 days total. Projesterone blood draw came back at a 3.0 Period started on it’s own this cycle. Had an ultrasound because of pelvic pressure, Dr found fluid and thinks a cyst may have burst, puts us on a 2 month break.

February 2010: Had a follow up ultrasound and everything looked great.

March/April/May 2010: Given Provera to induce period. 3rd Clomid cycle with 150mg CDs 3-7. Temperature rise somewhere between CD 46-50 (didn’t chart a couple days).

Feeling better

I just wanted to thank you all for the amazing warm and comforting responses on my last post. I was just having "one of those days" where literally everything was making me cry and feel so down on myself. I have to say that when I woke up today I felt much much better. I think, like alot of you said, you just have to let yourself feel sad when you need to. I love that I have this place to get it all out there in the open and I love even more the amazing support system that I have found here. I love you girls so much!

I don't think I'll really be leaving the MB's, I can't...it's been my home for so long and I can't fully cut it out of my life...but if I get too overwhelmed, I know I can just click that little red button at the top right of my screen and it makes it all okay. :)

Temped again today and got a whopping 98.8 which is pretty high.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/24ff9a

FF didn't give me CHs, and I went ahead and entered in fake temps for the next 3 days just to see and it doesn't do CHs either. If I enter in random temps on the days I didn't temp, I get dotted or solid CHs (depending on the temps I choose)...either for last sunday (which is the last day we have BD) or for 3 days ago (which if that's the case, I don't think we BD anywhere close to where we should have.)

So my body has done one of 2 things, either another cyst burst (which I don't think is the case since I feel nothing like the last time when it burst and I had CHs on my chart)...or for the first time in TTC history I Oed. *shrugs* Even if I did O, and it was timed right, I wonder if my lining would be too thick since I'm on CD 53. I don't know, I'm not too concerned...if AF is here by either the beginning or the end of next week I'll know something happend. (If I did O, I could be anywhere from 3-7dpo)

I don't think I'm going to request a Projesterone draw since I'm between Drs right now and I can't call my new RE since we haven't had our first consult yet, and since I'm not referred to my old Dr anymore, I'd have to pay for the draw, and I really don't want to do that.

So I'm a little in limbo, but honestly, that's okay. Limbo is way better than nothing..and nothing is usually what I get. :) Love you all. xoxo

Left Behind

Depressing post warning.

It's official, girls I had been TTC #1 with, are now pregnant with #2.

I just feel so lost right now.

I feel itty bitty and tiny, and so forgotten.

Why not me?

I'm a good person. I love God. I try to always be cheerful and happy. I always try to be so giving to others. I'm honest and trustworthy. I've always delt with infertility as my "cross to bear", and always have been happy for other people's miracles...but I'm tired.

I don't want to have to spend $315 EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. I walk into my RE's office. I don't want to have to keep taking meds that pump me so full of hormones I can barely see straight. I don't want to spend thousands on injectables, knowing the chance of them working are very very slim, let alone the money we'll have to spend on IVF with very slim chances of it working if we have to get there...I don't want to feel like I had to buy my baby! I don't want to be different from everyone else, and I don't want to be so sad the 10 times a day I see a pregnant belly staring at me. I don't want to have a disease that prevents me from ovulating or getting pregnant.

Why is it that 15 year old girls get pregnant with twins, time after time...yet DH and I who are more than ready are left with empty arms and broken hearts.

I think I really need to take some time away from the Message Boards. I just can't continue to torture myself. If you're from the MBs, I'm sure you understand, especially if you're IF.

I would never wish infertility on anyone...why was I cursed with it and SO left behind?

*cry*

Great...

Look at my chart...yeah, random high temp today...that's what I get for being lazy and not temping for 2 days. The last time we BD was last Sunday...I guess in the next few days we'll see if it stays up or not. http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/24ff9a

CD 50

Yeap you read that right...5-0. The Clomid obviously didn't do anything for me, even after 150mg. A little over a week left till our consult with Dr. Wizard. I wish it was today!

We're off to see the Wizard

We scheduled my consultation with our new RE for May 24th which also happens to be our 2 year wedding anniversary...I wouldn't have thought we would one day be spending our 2nd anniversary in an infertility clinic, BUT I'm hoping it will be good luck!

Yes!! The referral got approved!

MY REFERRAL WENT THROUGH!

*does a happy dance*

I'm so excited to get in with "Dr Wizard"! I have butterflies in my tummy! Even though we've been through alot already I feel like were in the big leagues now lol. I called and left a message to set up my new patient consultation, so hopefully that can get booked soon!

Why do I feel sooo nervous? It's like a combo of nervous/giddy. Oh well who cares what I'm feeling! Hopefully this will be the guy to knock me up!

....well with a little help from my husband of course...