Monday, October 25, 2010

What goes "UP"...

We had a bad week. It was long and scary. On monday morning early I got a call from my Dr who said she was looking over our last results from our last Anatomy Scan. She said everything looked well on Jackson except for the measurements of his Nuchal Fold and that it was measuring at the very highest side of normal, which was actually the last measurement before it crossed into abnormal territory and that we were going to need to schedule an appointment with a Peri at the hospital because we needed to check for Down Syndrome...

I quickly tried to get off the phone and LOST IT. I lost it like I had never lost it before. So many things were going through my head. What would this mean for us? How bad will it be for him? If he has it, will I have to outlive my child and if I don't who is going to take care of him if he cannot care for himself? And the worst: Kids will tease him. That last one was what kept going through my mind and it KILLED me inside.

I didn't want to tell Mike till he was home from work that day so he wasn't worried all day long, but I had an OB appt later in the day and he had called me just to talk, and I ended up losing it on the phone again and telling him everything which I didn't want to do but I needed to. I couldn't even say the word "Downs" physically my body wouldn't let me...it kept coming out like d-d-d-d-d-d...everytime I tried. He decided he would meet me at my OB appt so that we could both talk to the Dr.

I met him there and as soon as I saw him, I could tell he had taken the news not much better than I did. Puffy red eyes are always a dead giveaway and that made me tear up again. We went upstairs and they got us into our room and we were finally able to talk to our Dr. She basically told Mike everything she had told me on the phone but tried to reassure us that we just needed to do this as a precaution. She said we would meet with the Peri, have an ultrasound with her at the hospital and then go over the results and talk about having an Amnio done. I wanted to know everything about the amnio, because I really didnt fancy the idea of having a huge needle shoved through my stomach and into my babies placenta. I asked if you get anything to numb you and she said no...I asked her how big the needle was and she showed me with her hands *shivers*...I asked her what the risks were and she said a few things and said there's a 1 in 500 chance of miscarriage and Mike and I both said okay well we won't be doing one of those at all. It didn't matter what could be wrong with Jack, we love him and would love him in any way shape or form and it didn't matter to us so why risk it?

This baby is my miracle baby. This is the child we spent over 2 years praying for, begging and pleading with God to give us. He is ours...he's our family, and whatever happens we are going to love him and be so proud of him.

We didn't get much sleep that night (I actually woke up to Mike crying in his sleep one night, which set me off again) and I don't think we've slept much the rest of the week either. Just praying and thinking. We didn't want to tell many people. The girls in my DDC knew and a handful of family and friends knew only because I wasn't ready for all the questions and the comments. I didn't want anyone to know until it was a for sure thing. It was a hard thing to carry around on our own for a little while and I'm sorry I couldn't post about it earlier. I didn't want all of my bloggies to feel neglected.

We had our Peri appt today and I think it's safe to say I hate hospitals. Sitting there in the waiting room, 3rd floor in the Fetal Diagnostics Center. Palms sweating, hospital wristbands on watching people come in and out, heart stopping everytime a nurse would come out to call a patient's name...

We finally got back there and our fears were put to rest as soon as the Nurse and the Peri started the ultrasound. Everything is fine and our Jack is 100% healthy! They said we shouldn't have been made to worry like we were (I think they could see the panic written all over our faces). They said our measurements were right on target and completely normal. They were awesome and so straight forward and congratulated us again.

I am so so thankful. Just thankful that everything is okay and that we can put this horrible nightmare behind us. I am thankful to God for being so good to us and thankful for all of the prayers and support we have received this past week.

Like I said, this is our miracle baby... we would have loved this child no matter what, but it is so good to hear he is going to be okay. I just wanted to update this blog because it was part of our journey and part of our story.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Big Kicks and another U/S

I woke up this morning to the biggest kicks I have ever felt, so hard that I could actually see my belly moving! It's sooo awesome to feel it inside and from the outside and see it all at the same time! Makes it so much more real!

We had our 2nd Anatomy Scan today since they couldn't get all the measurments last time and he has gotten soooo big! And he's still a boy! He is weighing 1 pound 3 ounces and is already in the 70th percentile!! I think my kid is going to be huge!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Braxton Hicks

I had my first Braxton Hicks contraction last night. I was laying in bed watching a movie and all of a sudden my whole lower abdomen/uterus? felt really really tight and a little painful, not too bad though and lasted for maybe a minute then it intensified and I felt it in my lower back all through my lower stomach and right under my pubic bone and that lasted for a good minute or so. It did not feel good, but after that it eased off and then I never felt it again. I always wondered what a contraction felt like and I don't know why I thought it would be more cervical type pain...nope. Some of the girls in my DDC who are right around me are having them too so I know it's normal, just kinda shocking!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Jack's newest trick...

Kicking at my bladder...I think he thinks it's fun...not so fun while you're at work lol. I love being at this halfway point in pregnancy when you can really really feel kicks and movement and can tell the difference between what everything is. It is the weirdest feeling ever. It just blows my mind that all the girls in my DDC are around 16-21 weeks and pretty much all of us can feel our babies moving now, it's just crazy how far we've come...especially in my DDC since there are soooo many infertility survivors there. I am so so grateful for this amazing miracle we have been blessed with, just so in awe and I think that awe just gets stronger with every kick and wiggle. *sigh* It's totally unreal.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

20 weeks and a SCARY morning!

Ugh, I woke up to a voicemail on my cell phone from my OB's office "Hi Amy, this is Kristine from Dr L's office, we're going to need you to come back in, please give me a call." My heart stopped! I thought OMG, something is wrong with Jackson! Or I remembered that I just had my 1st 1hour GTT the other day, and thought OMG what if I have GD already!? I was so scared. I had to run to the bathroom to get sick before I called back because I was so worried.

So I call back and am on hold FOREVER till someone finally answered...

Girl: how can I help you
Me: Hi my names Amy, someone called me earlier and said I needed to come back in to see Dr L but they didnt tell me why.
Girl: hang on a sec.....on hold.....How far along are you right now?
Me: about 20 weeks.
Girl: okay we need you to come back in at 22 weeks for another ultrasound.
Me: OMG why??
Girl: hang on a sec....on hold again.... We didnt get good enough shots and measurements of the baby at your anatomy scan so we need to redo it.
Me: So there's nothing wrong with the baby>
Girl: Oh no not at all! We just need to redo a few pictures.


Geeze! Couldn't they have left that on my voicemail so I wouldn't have FREAKED!?

So we go back in on Friday the 22nd for another u/s and I'm taking her word that everything was okay.

I'm glad we get to see the baby again but man, I just about passed out from fright this morning.

20 weeks today and I cannot believe we have made it here. We are halfway through our pregnancy and only 140 days away from meeting our miracle face to face. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I feel so blessed and lucky to actually be here after all we have been through. It still seems so unreal and like I'm going to wake up from a very good dream. So thankful and in awe...